Selah

Making the Cut

2012-01-27T15:47:00.000-05:00

Today my husband and I made some cuts to our budget, to ease our living a little and to be able to breathe.

Well, let me backtrack a little. Yesterday was payday. I sat down and wrote the bills. When all was said and done, the account had $3 in it.

I was disheartened. $3! And as the day progressed, it seemed to loom over me more heavily. In my spirit I knew I had to praise God for that $3. But it was so hard! $3 is not that much!

From the advice of a new friend, I spent time alone with God. I didn't pray. I didn't talk. I didn't clean or put things away as I would. I just sat, listened to Hillsong, and breathed. I gave it all over to God. What came from that time was a personal journal entry, where I finally was able to praise God for that $3, and my release of my finances over to the One who controls it all. Peace.

I remembered a simpler time. A time where Adam and I challenged each other to buy $5 gifts for holidays. What a treasure hunt it was to find a perfect gift for under $5! I remembered when dates were board games and DVDs and popcorn, DDR (dance dance revolution) tournaments and parties. It wasn't fancy stuff....expensive dinners out, shopping for things we didn't need, pricey movies. And I wondered when that mentality even began. When did we care about such things? I guess we began to care about things like that when we noticed other people did that, and we had a taste of what it was like. And not to say that it is wrong, but we are longing for a simpler time, I think.

So we did the cut. One thing I didn't want to cut was my cell phone. UGH, I don't know why. Cuz I like having an iPhone. The outside world in the palm of my hand. Because everyone else has a smart phone. We'd be like "ancients". Ha ha! Still, we realized with our phones being "smart", we had to pay for a data plan, which for each of our phones, was a total of $50. So today we walked into AT&T and got "dumb" phones....you know, the basic talking and texting phones! I'm so used to my touchscreen on my iPhone that it is hard to use this phone, but I'll get used to it.

When I got home, I had a realization. Because we dropped our smart phones, money is less tight. I can fully stay at home and Adam and I can have a better quality of life, even if it is just sitting around a Scrabble board with popcorn. We can breathe again! So I think that's pretty 'smart'. ;)

Now friends, I don't want you to worry about us. Adam's army pay settles in about 4 days and this $3 balance will get higher and it's not even an issue. Plus commissions are coming in and possible new opportunities. So please don't be worried! God has and always will provide what we need as we give it all to Him and are faithful! And the $3 was probably fixable long ago. If I had planned better. But like I said, when you see the Jones'....sometimes common sense and practical thinking get thrown out by the wayside.

So we have a new game plan. I don't know if Adam knows it or not...(he may find out right now!) Groceries will be bought with cash. If I don't need the groceries at that time the cash will sit in my safe. Because I will need them, and it's good to have the cash when I do. Dates will be simple: at home, or a 'cheaper' nice dinner out. We'll still do our dance lessons, but we don't need to tag on a fancy dinner on top of it. (unless we have a gift card!) Dancing and a cup of coffee afterward will work just fine! When it comes to spending money, we REALLY haven't spent money frivolously, we've actually ONLY bought needs. So I commend us there! Yay! Plus we are setting aside a spending allowance for both of us per month, so we can get the little things we need or want, like new clothes or bike parts. Or flowers or cards or saving it for next month so we can get something even BIGGER! lol!

I guess what I want to leave in this blog is this. Last year we didn't have this issue. Adam made overseas pay and the world was good. I could buy whenever and whatever I wanted. And altho I KNOW money doesn't make you happier, it DOES make living a little bit easier. But, when you live like that, you have to be cautious! Good times don't always stay, and we need to be on guard, saving money for a rainy day just like our momma taught us. Living below our means now, so that way when tragedy hits or a job loss or pay cut arises, it doesn't affect us so much. And if anything, we learn how to be content in ALL circumstances, as our good friend Paul did. And especially as a parent, that is one thing I REALLY want to instill in my children. But I have to grasp the lesson first, right? ;)

So if I respond to texts a little bit slower...just be patient with me! I'll get it!

Until next time, Christ Strong!

Another One Bites the Dust....

2012-01-25T09:02:00.001-05:00

Low Carb Life Update: I'm down another pound! I've now lost 17 lbs. total since my start of low carb living in October 2011, and I've lost an inch and a half around my neck, 5 inches around my waist, and 4.5 inches around my hips.

I am now three lbs away from my first original goal weight, and I must say, I'm gonna keep going. Not in a "sick.... I need to be a stick" way, but because I see areas that will need attention that losing three lbs won't affect. So even tho I am so close to my goal, I'm upping my goal to five more lbs, meaning I'd like to lose 8 more total, and then see where I am at that point.

Areas I'm going to concentrate on more during exercise: bat wings, inner thighs, abs, and hips. Biking covers a lot of those areas (basically everything but the bat wings), but I realize I need to incorporate more calisthenics in my routine to tone them up a bit.

I still work out for at LEAST 30 mins six days a week, still watching my calorie intake, and still watch my carb intake, making sure the majority of my carb intake is fruits and veggies, and not so much pastas and potatoes.

It can be hard. This past weekend I went to a birthday party and MAN the pizza smelled good! I had already eaten lunch tho, and knew I didn't "need" to eat, still, it's hard to not eat socially when you are around everyone who is eating! I had a bag of almonds in my purse and decided to munch on those, but they did NOT taste as good as the pizza smelled! I probably would of eaten a slice of pizza if it weren't my "no exercise day" which means that I REALLY have to count my calories on that day.

I still have to debate my calorie intake. Like, do I really WANT that extra cup of coffee, because the calories from the creamer will add on my already growing list? (and NO I can NOT get the sugar free fat free creamer. It just won't happen!) Sometimes I give in if I can spare the few extra carbs and calories and sometimes I find a "still satisfying substitute".

In any case, progress is nice. I had said in past posts that I don't always see myself finishing things I start, but in this case, I can see the finish line, and it's inviting!

Until next time, Christ Strong! :)

Dancing and Opportunities

2012-01-20T07:52:00.002-05:00

Last night was our first Salsa Dancing lesson at FSU. Salsa (or just dancing lessons in general), was one of my Christmas presents from my romantic hubby. It was so much fun! Of course we are not very coordinated, but our instructor was nice and patient and we are getting there! Last night we danced the meringue and the salsa. I think our funnest time was when we danced an entire song and "freestyled" it. My husband is so romantic. I'll never forget how he would look at me when he would twirl me. God has definitely blessed me with an amazing man. We made a date of it and went to dinner afterward. I mentioned Mi Pueblos (ha ha, cuz we danced the salsa!) but we decided to go to Applebee's, which is what I wanted anyways! MMMM, steak!

Our intent is to do a dance lesson once/month, practice in between, and on Monday nights, go to the free club at the college to get some tips, pointers, and practice a little with the students. We won't get the one on one instruction with the instructor, but we will get help from the students and just the extra practice will be nice. We can bring Liam to those as well, which will also be nice. I figure he will have many girlfriends by the time we can dance in sync with each other!

Upon leaving, we saw a Chi Alpha table set up in the building next to us. We are both Chi Alpha alumni (well, he more than me!) so we decided to stop. Chi Alpha is our old church's college and young adult ministry. We saw two old friends there, but the rest of the faces were new. It was bittersweet....we had moved on, yet, it was going stronger and stronger. I'm always inspired to see young people who love God and love His people. I'm excited that it's growing stronger. :)

One of our friends works in HR at a popular place in WV. He had offered Adam an interview before, when he had first returned from Kuwait, and we declined. He loves his job and really wasn't wanting to possibly work an off shift, like afternoons or midnights. And the work environment isn't what his extrovert personality is used to. But lately with all of the stress of his job...the pay cut he recently took (which is his second), the commission based sales which are nice but aren't guaranteed....we revisited the opportunity last night when we met up with our old friend. The pay is amazing. The health benefits....more than amazing. The vacation time, guaranteed. We could actually afford to save for vacation. We could save for retirement. Our emergency fund would not look like an emergency! Ha ha!

So friends, please pray for us God's will. He is submitting his resume next week, and once he gets an interview it's all God from there. I will not be so evasive once we hear more info, but for right now, I don't want to say too much.

I wonder how God works sometimes. Did He plan for us to take the lesson, that night...that time of night, knowing that Chi Alpha would be in the building next to us, starting up just as we were leaving? Did He arrange it all? I guess in a month or so we will know. Until then, I just have to keep living by faith regarding the current job, bills, and God's will for our lives. Even if we don't get the job, He will always provide. He always does. :)

Well, until next time, I'm leaving this in God's hands and praying hard! Christ Strong!!

Eleven Years ago....

2012-01-13T08:38:00.000-05:00

Eleven years ago, they plopped you on my belly and said, "Congratulations! It's a boy!!" And my life was never the same since. You were my first baby, and we grew up together it seems. Sure I am the Momma, and growing up is your part, but you taught me much about life and vision and love.

I revisit my life 11 years ago because of another reason too. I had a friend, about 10 years ago, who I just found out passed away. I knew her little, but the impact of her life and the joy she had convicts me to continue to have joy, even in adverse circumstances. I knew her when I worked on a magazine ministry with my dear friend Jeannie.

So I look at the person I was eleven years ago, the mom, the woman, the child of God, the servant, and I am a little saddened. Usually when you go through life, you can see a progression...but I don't see that, at least not outwardly.

Sigh. But then I look at what I can't see, what only God sees. He reminds me that my job...my ministry...is nothing that the world deems fancy at this point of my life. But it is vital to Him. I may have been changing diapers for the past 11 years, potty training, dealing with teeth and toddler issues, dealing with school drama, BUT...it is the position that He has placed me in. During the eleven years, I had worked on a magazine ministry with a good friend, worked in several "mom" ministries in my church, held bible studies, even worked in the job force, but none of those things lasted. They all ended quickly and I wonder why they didn't last. How come some people can do a ministry, starting in their 20s, and have it prosper? Why did my life ministry wise seem to not progress?

God reminds me that He is working IN ME. His ministry for me for now is to REST. And I really think that is His word for this season of my life at least. Rest in Him. Discover Him. Love Him. Not to work and strive, altho that will come as my knowledge of Him grows. But to be still. And to teach my children the ways of the Lord, and who He truly is, and how to seek Him, as I am learning as well.

So as I look back at the past eleven years, and I see how you have grown, I am convinced that God has placed me where I am for a purpose. Thanks for sharing this journey with me.

Devotions by the Bathroom Sink

2012-01-11T08:22:00.001-05:00

Two summers ago a noticed a small bump on the bottom of my foot. I didn't know what it was (a corn? a wart?) so I treated it occasionally with corn medicine but to no avail. I really had no issue with it...I had thought warts were mainly cosmetic issues and I wasn't concerned as it was on my foot.

Then another one popped up on my finger, grosser than the foot one, and my sister saw it and told me it was a wart and that warts can be a viral infection, and I had to get it checked out. I tried to treat it on my own, but eventually I called my doctor to get both warts treated. She referred me to a dermatologist, who froze the wart on my finger off and it came off in four freezes....and put some chemical on my foot and it's still there, but getting closer to coming off.

Gross blog? I know. But it's funny how God shows me things even in the grossness of warts.

I ignored the wart in the beginning because I didn't know it was a concern. Then another one popped up. Kinda like sin, if we brush it off, another one can pop up and be more visible to others. Then the process of healing begins. I tried to heal it on my own, but it didn't work. I tried to take the easy and cheap way out...(who wants to sit in the doctor's office with three kids in the middle of summer while their hubby is overseas? Not me!!) Then when I finally saw the doctor she had to refer me to a specialist, (in my spiritual eye, I see that as going to a friend for a prayer request and they refer you to talk to God).

Anyways, treatment began. I think the one on my foot I am getting burned off with chemical. It hurts. Not when first applied, but the day after, it is hard to walk. I basically hobble around my house for a couple of days. I can't do much housework because it hurts to walk...so I sit on the couch and write gross blogs like this. :) Much like sin, when experiencing healing, it can HURT! It didn't hurt so much while the sin was just there, (or while the wart was just there) but trying to remove it can hurt. And it can take several applications of "chemical", or prayer, to get it completely removed. But once it is gone, we will be pure again, without blemish.

Also, because my foot is killing me and I have to sit most of the day, it causes me to "rest" (which is also killing me!). I think when God is healing us of something, He requires us to rest in Him. We focus on everything we have to do, all of our jobs are being undone...but all that matters is rest in Him. Just to trust Him for the healing and to rest in His love.

So my encouragement is to keep praying for breakthrough! Whether in sin, depression, negative emotions, spiritual warfare, forgiveness...the list goes on and on. Every time chemical is applied the "wart" gets smaller and smaller. One day it will be gone for good. Praise God!!

Also, after you pray and apply the chemical...to rest. Rest in His love for you. His grace is sufficient for all you need. Trust Him with your life completely, warts and all. And He will heal you, and you will be able to walk again.

Until Next Time....Christ Strong!

Wisdom, Humility, and Fun all wrapped up in a Weekend!

2012-01-09T09:08:00.000-05:00

2 Chronicles 1:10, "Give me the wisdom and knowledge to lead them properly, for who could possibly govern this great people of yours?"

As I was looking at Bible Gateway to find the perfect verse to begin my blog today, I believe I found it in this. Friday began like another day. Mid-afternoon I waited to pick up my older kids from the bus, nervous about another weekend with them. It is always a mixed bag of emotions on switch day. They are often very excited (and hyper!), as am I to have them back, but also having a week with just Liam it is hard to adjust to two more (hyper) children. So as I'm waiting, I prayed (especially regarding Troy, who is just at this difficult preteen age). I asked God to show me what it is regarding him that makes it so difficult for me to be around him at times. Now please don't get me wrong: I love my children and I love my time with them. Just sometimes they try me. And lately it's been trial by fire!

The Lord showed me that my frustration with my son is that he reminds me of his dad, my ex. Which is not to say that my ex and I don't get along, because we do, and I'm glad he is involved in their lives. Many children from divorced homes do not have that, and so I'm thankful. But, we did get on each other's nerves....and I noticed Troy has habits that annoy me that remind me of things that annoy me about my ex (which I'm sure my kids do to him as well...you all have met Danielle, right??). They aren't bad habits or things that need changed, they are just annoying to me. So I prayed specifically about that and gave the weekend over to the Lord.

They walked in the car, hyper but quiet, because I warned Troy via text that Liam was napping and to be quiet. The drive home was different. Sure there was excitement, but they listened quicker when I told them to quit bickering...etc. Friday I took the kids to Shop and Save, where Danielle picked up Hamburger Helper for dinner. Troy waited in the car. When I came back I noticed he had dumped out my fresh squeezed lemonade. I was furious! I was so thirsty! I asked him why and he said was concerned because he saw floating things (the pulp). He thought it was BPA. I overreacted and I knew it, yelling and lecturing. Once I got home, God told me to apologize, and I did. I called Troy over, kissed his head, and said, "I'm sorry I overreacted. I was upset but it's nothing to overreact about. But next time please tell me before you decide to dump out a drink." We laughed and it was over.

Saturday, Liam and Danielle and I watched Kung Fu Panda 2, while Adam and Troy took to building the trailer for our car, since the day was so nice. Troy didn't help much, but he enjoyed hanging out with Adam. Adam told me he told him, "Troy, right now you think a lot about skateboarding. One day you will think a lot about skateboarding and girls. Then girls, skateboarding, and girls again." He said Troy just gave him this weird look. I wish I coulda seen it.

Saturday night, Troy went to his friend's house and we went bowling with the younger two and some friends. It was loud and we were tired, so we left early, but I had so much fun losing to my kids. They were good sports tho, and cheered for me as I tried to bowl. In my defense tho, they wouldn't allow me to have bumpers. They said they were only for the children! Ha!

Later Saturday night, Troy and I had some time. He has a blog too, www.anarmykidsthoughts.blogspot.com and I helped him design a little of it and post some things. He's growing up so much. When he blogged I learned he really enjoyed his time with Adam that day and that he really likes skateboarding. We both went to bed at 10:30....later than intended but well worth it.

Sunday was good because of church and lunch with friends, then later we took Troy and Liam to Game Stop (Danielle was at her friend Sophia's house), and splurged on an XBox 360. We all agree that we like our Wii, and have kept it, but Adam is big into war games now (Thanks Mark and Mike! ha ha!) and I love Band Practice (aka: Rock Band) and dancing games. So after much debate (beginning while Adam was in Kuwait), we decided to get one. For those keeping me accountable spending wise...just a quick note that Adam's big job that he is currently working on will cover the expense of our splurge...so not to worry.

So, it was a good weekend. I learned the valuable lesson of giving my time with my children over to God. I learned that prayer is powerful, and God does hear us. I guess that is stuff I already knew, but I forgot it in my heart. I knew it in my head...and I knew it for everyone else, but I forgot it for me. So thank you God for making it a reality for me this weekend.

Until next time....Christ Strong!

Enjoy Where You Are

2012-01-06T09:13:00.001-05:00

I love my You Version app on my phone. I was reading my Joyce Meyer Devotional yesterday, and something stuck out to me that I so needed. She talks about how Paul in Philippians 4:11-13 had learned to be content no matter what the circumstances. Then she said this. Wow how it resounds in my heart! She says, "That means you, like Paul, need to find a balance between contentment and ambition. Here's the key: Learn to enjoy where you are on the way to where you are going."

Yesterday I was a little frustrated, because after calculating my BMI at my goal weight I realized I just barely made a "healthy weight", altho my healthy weight range is well within that number. I would have to lose another 10 lbs in addition to hitting my goal weight to be at a healthy BMI. I love my friend Andi, who quickly emailed me a list of reasons why BMI is stupid and not to base my health on that. :) She knew exactly what I needed to hear...I love how God uses our friends and helps us through them!

I felt so distraught because I was almost there!!! Just a few more lbs, and I would of been at goal. UGH! It's frustrating when you think you are near the finish line of an exhausting race, then you realize you have a few more laps to go!

The truth is, if I go on beyond this goal and hit the "healthy BMI weight", it's not that many more laps. I'm just tired. I don't want to be in between pants sizes anymore....wearing pants that are too big because the next size is still too small. I just want to be there!

God wants us to enjoy the journey on the way to the destination. My blog has a header from my good friend Pastor Geoff, "Spiritual maturity is a process....enjoy the journey". And it's true. If we keep looking at what we aren't, we aren't going to stick with it. We will get discouraged and give up. Just like in weight loss, it is quite the same in spiritual matters...financial goals, pretty much anywhere where we feel we need to improve.

I think the key for me, and maybe for you too, is to set small goals....like on my my fitness pal app....it tells me where my weight will be in 5 weeks if I continue with a similar diet/exercise for the day I just logged. So maybe that should be my goal for now...and then in 5 weeks, see what it says from there, and decide from there what is healthy for me or not. Maybe, spiritually, we need to have more quiet time with God, but looking at someone else who seems to have it all together is only going to frustrate us. Financially, if we keep looking at the Jones's, we are not going to get anywhere on our own debt. Instead, we probably should set a clear, simple goal, and keep our eyes on Him, in all matters.

So....I'm still running. Run with me?? If not for physical reasons, maybe spiritual, or family goals. Let's keep our eyes on Him, and get jogging! Or in my case....biking. I'm ten minutes late! Gotta run!

Until next time, Christ Strong!

Cool Tools

2012-01-05T08:35:00.000-05:00

For those joining me on this fitness thing, I have a cool tool that I got the other day from Walmart...a 5 lb. weighted ball with a handle. It was $10 and in the fitness section, near the kettle bells. It's amazing. I did some workouts with it yesterday and I really feel it today (and I think I used it for 20 mins). It comes with about ten exercises on a sheet that you can reference to and try.

It's great to work out your arms, altho it has exercises to help with your abs too (and I can feel it). Mainly for me I was doing "chair dips" for my arms, which is good, but can be sore on your wrists. This eliminates that.

The best thing is that since it is a ball, Liam thinks I'm playing and will get his play ball and do some exercises with me! So he is occupied while I am working out, and I don't feel like I'm neglecting him because I'm biking or working out with a video.

Another awesome tool is an app you can put on your smartphone (or go to the website) www.myfitnesspal.com . I use it to count my calories and keep me on track with my carbs and sodium. And it has a friend list, so you can encourage others on the way.

Stay strong! We can do this!!!

Until Next Time, Christ Strong!

Out with the old....

2012-01-01T17:26:00.000-05:00

Paul says it good when he says, "Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended, but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Phil. 3:12-14

2011 definitely had a lot of mistakes (many, many, many outbursts...overreactions....trips to McDonalds...just to name a few!), but a lot of good things too. So to celebrate 2011, I'm going to recap some of the good things:

* I've learned not to care (so much) about what other people think of me. (that is a biggie)
* My hubby came home!!! No more deployments!
* I've learned to take captive my thoughts, and to recognize the lies of the enemy.
* I've lost 14 lbs. Yes, 14! WOOHOO!!!
* I've made some new friends, who are close like siblings. Which is good because some of our family has moved away/is moving away and I can use some "family" nearby!
*Andi and her family moved back to Fairmont! YAY!
* I've gotten closure on a major thing that happened in my life, and I'm able to walk in this new chapter more confident because of it.
* I've been able to forgive people and release them to God who have hurt me in the past.
* Similar to a previous one, but because I've grown closer to God and can see more clearly His heart for me, I am more confident in the person I am right now, and I can make my decisions better because of it.

It wouldn't be a New Year for me without rethinking how I did handle some things in the past, and I'm excited because my husband and I are going to sit down with pen and paper and review our thoughts on some things...finances...spiritual life...personal goals, and check mark when we accomplish them. I'm sure my goals will change a little with that family meeting, but here are a couple of things I wish to accomplish in the new year.

* Spiritually: I am going to discipline myself to spend time with God every day. I hate to say discipline tho, because I know once I'm in His presence it won't be a chore. The chore is letting everything else sit and wait for the time that I spend with God. Overlooking the cluttered living room or the pile of laundry, or the call I should of made. I have the You Version app on my iPhone, an awesome bible with many translations and reading plans. I'm also going to pray about where God wants me in this chapter of my life ministry-wise. Whether that call is to just be at home, ministering to my family, or to branch out a little into something else, I want to be open to His plans.

* Physically: I am almost to goal weight! 4 lbs to go. So I want to maintain it, and be healthy. Exercise has been a great stress reducer, and I want to continue that at least 5 days a week. That may seem like a lot to some (even the former me!!) but I do 6 days now and the benefits far outweigh the inconvenience. It's also a good worship time, as I play a "worship workout mix" of Newsboys, OC Supertones, and Sanctus Real.

* Financially: I picked up a "dirty little habit" of shopping to cure my boredom while Adam was away, and so my motto is "Spend money wisely; save continually." I'm going to plan for cheap and free dates and family fun. (my amazingly romantic hubby gifted me with dance lessons for us both, so we start those this month!! Andi...babysitting swap?? ;)) Once I hit my goal weight, I'm going to purge my closets and get a few quality pieces of clothes. I will spend more in the beginning, but I have realized I have a LOT of junk clothes that I got on sale or used, mainly for that reason. I never wear them, and when I do, I feel bummy. I think if I get quality, I will want to shop less, and will end up saving money in the long run. So that is something else to look forward to when I reach my goal weight! Who's shopping with me?? (to keep me accountable, of course!! ;))

* Socially: Now that I'm 'unplugged' from social networking, I need to be disciplined in calling or texting friends, visiting close friends more often, and NOT feeling guilty on a girls night. I also need to pray about where God wants me socially. That is a very personal issue, but something I'm excited to see Him place me where He wants me to be.

and finally,

* Schooling and Parenting: Be more disciplined in schooling Liam, and I've come up with a plan to do such that should fit well into my lifestyle. Mainly, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it....and it comes before spontaneous phone calls or hanging time. Sure I'll still do so and be spontaneous, but I need to put this on my priority list. Altho we have dropped from story hour at the local library, I'm going to take him to the library at least once a week. And hopefully soon we can rejoin it along with THESIS on Fridays. With all of my children, I'm going to work on teaching them to be producers, and not consumers and how to have fun and be content with what they have. (Which begins in me...I know!). Also, I'm going to find a place where we can serve on occasion in the community as a family.

This looks like a lot, and can be overwhelming if I look at it in my glasses, with my own eyes. But if I look at it with God's eyes, it's a piece of cake. Much of it I already do. I just need to encourage myself to keep at it. My friend blogged today about resolutions, much being like renovations....which hit home for me. I often quit my resolutions in March because I can't handle them anymore. Like renovations, when the walls are tore down it's an ugly sight to see. We are exhausted from the tear-down, and often just want to rest.... But....if we keep at it, put the new walls up....the result is a beautiful room (in our houses, or in our hearts).

The final thing on my "2012 Focus" Sheet is this: Make room for grace. Not excuses, but grace. We are all going to have bad days. Days where we don't exercise, forget to pray, overreact with the kids, buy too much at the store. But, that is not a stopping point. It is a learning point to continue on, to "forget the former things", and "press on..." and I encourage you and I to do the same.

Until next time, Happy New Year, and Christ Strong!!

Kitchen Business

2011-12-29T19:44:00.001-05:00

My grandma has this kitchen chair. It was always a wonder to me....it's a step stool with a seat attached. I guess for children it is quite a chair...steps, and a comfy seat! She sets it in her kitchen by the entrance in this little corner. She's had it forever.

I remember when I was little: everyone would come to grandma's for holidays....football parties....birthdays. Her living room would become quite crowded. Oftentimes I would sit in the kitchen, on that kitchen chair, listening to the AM radio play music from their youth, smelling the coffee brew.

In the beginning, everyone would ask if I was ok. After a while, they would just know that that was my special seat, and I enjoyed it. When I was younger I would sit there and play toys on it. The steps made it challenging for my dolls to climb. When I was older, it was a place to contemplate life....well, the life of a teenage girl, which revolved around friendships, fashion, and boys!

I am a social person, but sometimes in the craziness of parties and family and friends...I just need some solace. I loved that I could be with my family and yet in solace. It was a nice feeling.

So this year, I was on a hunt for such a chair. My kitchen has high cupboards and I could use the stool. Plus I wanted the memory to begin in my house for such a chair. I checked yard sales and department stores to no avail. So on Christmas Day, I found it on amazon, and ordered it, combining some Christmas money I got. These little suckers are more expensive than I thought, but it is here now and we are all enjoying it. Liam has claimed it as his chair, and when he's not in it, I catch Troy and Danielle fighting over it! So far I've used it a couple of times, but I'm glad we got some memories in already!

Here's a pic. I love that it actually is called a "Retro" chair!

Because I don't have enough to blog on this next picture, I'll attach it to this blog. I came in yesterday when I got off the phone with my friend to find this sight. I'm amazed that he did this all on his own, but yet I had a mixture of pride and sadness that he is growing up. Still, in my other children I did not encourage them to do such things on their own, and I wish I did, so they would be more independent... nonetheless, despite my perfectionism and need to have everything done right and right now, I'm going to work on having the kids work more with me in the kitchen and in the home. Tonite I even let Troy help with dinner (pancakes....we had breakfast for dinner! Adam and I had eggs and bacon tho...still low carb!) It was hard, and my flesh was screaming because of the mess that was being made and my need for control. BUT, I handled it and we had fun so it was worth it. Even tho I had a mess when we were done, and they weren't made how I would make them. LOL.

This pic was of Liam, like I said, while I was on the phone. He looked up at me and said, "I was hungry."

I guess he preferred the PB sandwich better than the plate I had heated for him before I took the call!

Next blog! Resolutions! Until Next Time.....Christ Strong!!

Traditions

2011-12-23T16:27:00.001-05:00

The holidays spark all sorts of memories for me. I remember when I was little. Christmas Eve was a big day for us. We had to clean our rooms. They had to be in tip-top shape, because Santa would come that night, and sometimes he left candy canes in our rooms. So that afternoon, we always cleaned our rooms, making sure there wasn't a toy on the floor for Santa to trip on.

Then we would go to Christmas Eve mass. Sometimes we would go to Candlelight Service or Midnight Mass. It was a really special time. Altho we were bored as we often were in church as children, it was special in that it was really late (the midnight mass) or that we had electric candles.

After Mass, we would go home and get ready for bed. Dad assured us that we had to go straight to bed, because Santa would come ONLY if we were asleep. And we couldn't get up, ONLY if we had to go to the bathroom. (and it had to be an emergency!!!)

Christmas morning would come and we awaited the sound of Christmas music. Usually it was "The Little Drummer Boy" by the Harry Simeone Chorale (my dad's favorite), altho at times he would play, "Carol of the Bells" (my sister's favorite). She was the hardest to wake up. Usually on Christmas morning, my brother or I would wake early, go into each other's room, and say, "Santa Claus Came!!! Santa Claus Came!!" (and this is even AFTER we knew the truth!! My brother is a very fun big brother!!) Once the music played, we would emerge to see a sleepy dad and stepmom with a hot cup of coffee. We opened presents one by one, taking time in between each to thank the giver and express how much we liked it. Christmas morning took longer that way, but it was more meaningful.

Dad and Bonnie opened presents last, and it was always nice to see them bless eachother with little gifts. Altho when we Bonnie came into our lives we were older, and so I'd like to think we were patient and watched them open their gifts and not tearing into our toys. (I was 11.) We also bought little things for them, of course, our budgets were different than their's, so they usually got a cheap mug, or a keychain. Thankfully, they seemed to like those little things.

After breakfast we would head to Grandma and Grandpa's. There was always Christmas music playing. Grandpa loved Big Band Swing music, and I remember hearing those sounds upon entering. Grandma would take our coats and we would hear Big Band in the background of our Christmas chatter of what Santa brought us. At Grandpa's as well, there was always a football game on, and even on Christmas it was on, altho muted. We visited our cousins and aunts, grandparents....we ate the spread my grandma made. She always made this wonderful rice casserole that my carby self loved. We did presents there as well, still the same, one by one.

I think traditions are good. Some are definitely worth keeping. They keep the "family" in things that you do, which is nice when you can't see your family. This year I'm keeping with some of the traditions. We are doing the Christmas music thing (I've already warned the children, who countered with, "Well, what if I turn it on??" LOL). I'm keeping with the 'one by one' rule. Since my children are younger than I was when Bonnie came into our lives, I think I may do Adam and my presents during their exchange. I want them to see us bless each other as well, and show the joy of giving.

Today I was thinking about our family traditions when I came across a sad thought. My grandpa is not in good health. And so many of my Christmas memories are with him. He was such a big part of my life. I haven't seen him in almost a year. It seemed that whenever I went to Ohio this past year my children or I were sick, and we didn't want to pass anything onto my grandparents as they are getting older. I went up for Thanksgiving with full intentions of visiting, but my grandpa's health was so bad that he declined and requested we not stop by. That hurt me, but I understood why. When I'm in that physical state, will I want my children or grandchildren to see me that way? Or would I want them to remember me as I was when I was younger, and healthier?

I realize this may be my grandpa's last Christmas. I hope it is not....but reality is that his health is very bad. So I hang onto the traditions, to the memories of Grandpa's Christmas visits...of Big Band and Football, and spreads of food so large we could feed an army. The warmth of their company, their generosity; they somehow always got us a gift, even when money was tight.

This Christmas is a quiet one, like I've said in blogs past. Tomorrow morning is our Christmas, in fact. Tonite I blog by the tree and know that this season is about over. Next week we will be packing up our decorations and working on diets, hiding the cookies and cleaning the house, trying to get back to normal. (unless your tradition is to keep the decor up until after New Years....which is also one of my family's...I however, have a hard time doing that!)

Altho my personality longs for normal, part of it longs to keep the joy and excitement of Christmas a little bit longer. :) So what are your family traditions?

Until next time, Christ Strong!

Why I am Thankful that my Freezer Got Unplugged....

2011-12-19T16:08:00.000-05:00

Today began like any ordinary day. I woke, drank my coffee, watched kid television, biked....then it happened. My husband told me that while he went to the basement to get the chicken for tonight's dinner, our freezer must of gotten unplugged throughout the weekend, and all of our food had thawed!! So, today, as I'm cooking everything that filled that freezer, I'm stopping to write the blessings on this blog. (needless to say, my intended plans for the day to be focused on potty training Liam, is off the planner!)

On a side note, I'm typing this blog throughout my cooking day. And each "blessing" out of this situation is really a concious decision....because before I think of it, I'm thinking of what an inconvenience this is!! So if this blog seems choppy, it is....because it is taking me hours and hours to complete!!

1. Probably the most important, the fact that I have food in a freezer is a big thing. Some families scrape and don't know when their next meal will be. And not only in third world countries, but even in the little town of Fairmont! Altho money is tight in the Casto Household, I was able to take some money and fill our little freezer. That enough is a huge blessing!

2. The food is salvageable. Sure I'm spending all day cooking today and tomorrow, all sorts of meats and TWO birds, still, I didn't have much on my agenda this week anyways. I kept this week open to prepare for Christmas, and to potty train Liam. So I have the time to do it.

3. I have three crock pots, and LOTS of casserole dishes. YAY! Oh, and I forgot to mention that Adam said just yesterday that he would do the dishes EVERY NIGHT....(sorry honey!!) Just to show you how much I love you I will try to keep up on them as I'm working today!

4. Liam is pretty easy going. At first I complained because I knew he'd want interaction and I couldn't really provide it, but he's quite content playing solo, watching his shows, and coloring at the table. I'm sure the TV is on a little more than I'd like today, but today, I am thankful for the TV!!!

5. I HATE to cook. So this is like therapy to me. I can cook all of this food, and then for the next month-two months I can just heat and eat!! YAY! And it's healthier than my "heat and eat" methods while Adam was deployed! Ha!

6. I have a half bath. I forgot to mention that my kitchen sink is under repair. I can use the cold water fine, but when I turn on the hot it leaks horribly. So between meat switches, I hop into the half bath and scrub up before I cook the next thing.

7. I don't work outside of the house. If I was working, I'd be there this morning, and not able to save any of this food, wasting hundreds of dollars. So thank God He confirmed to me my purpose a couple of weeks ago, and I declined the option to work elsewhere. Sure I could of made money to replace what was lost, but I would not be in my God given role, and I wouldn't of been able to handle this situation after a full days work. Thus strife and stress would fill my home, instead of love, joy, and peace!

8. My husband worked from home this morning, so he was able to help me haul food upstairs, clean my freezer, and keep me calm. He's so good!

9. My friend Andi, who promptly answered my call for help and advised me on how to handle the situation!! Thanks Andi! Love you!!

10. My freezer was only unplugged, and not broken.

11. Ok, apparently my cold water is broken as well and I now have a huge leak.....think blessings...think blessings.....Ok, I"m thankful that tonite our faucet WILL be fixed, before I prepare the birds tomorrow.

12. Hefty One Zip Freezer Bags. I forgot I had them until I was using my Foodsaver to seal up the corn I just cooked. MUCH easier and I can save the Foodsaver for the stuff I don't want freezer burned, like the meats!

13. Adam just happened to come home for lunch just as I was pulling the chicken out of the oven and was cooling the brocolli....so he had a really nice lunch!

14. By being on my feet all day, I just burned about 700 calories!! Really!!

15. Something in the bottom of our freezer was kielbasa. I am now the best wife ever, making kielbasa and green peppers for Adam. He's psyched, and I had forgotten we had it!

16. Altho Liam brought every toy that he owns and stashed them at the bottom of the stairs, I'm confident that he was NOT bored during my cooking day, and was not a TV Zombie, but that he had played good as well.

Well, I guess that is it. Thanks for sharing my day with me! Now to sign off, grab some carb smart chocolate ice cream, and watch an episode or two of Frasier. Until next time, Christ Strong!!

The Ho Ho Ho Down!

2011-12-17T21:39:00.000-05:00

Well, the children's Ho Ho Ho Down, a western themed Christmas show, was yesterday at their school. I must say, despite the awkwardness of middle school music, it was very good. After the band played, each grade sang two songs....one a "Santa Christmas one" and one a "Jesus Christmas one". One of the props was a train. On one of the cars was a sign that said, "Happy Birthday Jesus". I loved it!

I don't know all of the rules with schools and God....but it was something I definitely have never experienced in the other schools my children attended. Even the principal came up and said he was so "blessed" to have such a great staff. I take it that word was intentionally said.

Still, Troy did inform me that a classmate told him flat out that he didn't believe in Jesus. Another opportunity to pray, I say! And to show this boy God's love through us, that altho we don't agree with his choice, we love him and God loves him. Troy says they are pretty good friends.

I wonder what kind of hope people have who don't believe in the saving power of Jesus! I'm very ignorant of other religions, but I'm pretty sure an atheist thinks that this is it....and after that there is nothing. I don't know if I could handle that. There are some days I'm just SOOOO thankful that there is more to life than this!!

This week I also lost another 1.5 lbs!! I actually tried on a size that I haven't worn in AGES, and it fit! Granted I couldn't walk in these pants, but still, they FIT!! The other size "skinny" pants now are getting loose on me. Those who actually read this who knew me in 2007: I'm two lbs. to my wedding weight. Yippee!!! I blog this for a couple of reasons. One, very rarely do I start something and keep it up to completion. I usually give up quite quickly, or halfway through. Not only in weight loss, but in other things: piano lessons (the piano is for sale, btw), violin lessons (I WILL do this!! I WILL!!!), scrapbooking (I have loads of unfinished books and pages), house projects....the list goes on and on! (see I can't even complete this list!! ha ha!!) So to write this is kind of a cheer leading session....reminding me that "I can do this!!!" The other reason is, quite honestly....if I can do this....anyone can! And I'm always up for recipe swapping, walking, or even texting/calls to keep me accountable.

I rewarded myself with a Goodwill shopping spree where I bought some new shirts. A lot of mine are old, ripped, baggy...but I kept them because I wanted to wait to buy clothes til I lost some weight. Thank God, the clothes I got are almost brand new it seems! I can't wait to get rid of some of my old clothes now to make room for the new!

Well, I'm off to fold clothes and get ready for sleep. Until next time, Merry Christmas, and Christ Strong!!!

A Failure?? I think NOT!

2011-12-15T09:02:00.000-05:00

I was writing a good friend today and am SO glad I began my day with her email. You see, I've had this nagging feeling that I have been failing as a parent. As a provider in the family. As a homeschooling mom, as a wife, as a housekeeper....well, you get the idea. Last night when I went to bed I just felt this heaviness come over me that I was a failure and fell into this deep pit of despair, which even invaded my dreams!

What makes me feel this way, you ask? Well, my house is a mess!! A mess I guess in my standards. We haven't had any new critters about and it's healthy clean, just cluttered with papers, books, toys, laundry, and Christmas decor. As a parent, well, my kids are in these weird stages, and I often look within and think, "did I make them react this way?" Altho realistically, they are just getting older, and having their own growing pains trying to adjust to it. As a provider....well, I don't bring in an income (unless I sell some 31 bags), and so I struggle with feeling like a waste of space. I know that sounds harsh...but when you work outside of home, you bring something in (money) and you feel like you are worth at least what the paycheck is for. Because I work in the house, I don't see a physical paycheck. Oftentimes a job I complete is soon needing completion again! And so at times I have a hard time justifying a purchase or even my status as a stay at home mom. Homeschooling....ha, well I haven't done it consistently this month. And consistency is key, I know. And homeschool co op and library story hour Liam just does not seem ready for. And I wonder what I can teach him? I never finished college. I did well in school, but let's face it.....if I can't seem to get him to go to the potty, how will I teach him calculus? As a wife...well, many times I have my "32 year old" temper tantrums and my poor husband gets the bad end of it. (sorry honey).

It's so easy to believe the lies of the devil. And he hits us where it hurts! If there is one thing I am afraid of it is failure, so much so that I have the hardest time making decisions, fearful that I will make the wrong one.

So I need to replace the lies with the truth. So here goes! Thankfully only a handful of people read this blog, and it's people I trust, so I can be vulnerable!

Housecleaning: The truth is, I have children. And a husband whose office is my dining room table. As long as we have clean underwear, the food is put up, floors swept, and the toilets are scrubbed, I should be content. I have high expectations. I want my house to look like a house of a woman who lives alone, but I don't. If I get the clutter down of life, that is good, but it should not be a source of stress if I have a laundry basket in my living room or papers about.

Parenting: The truth is, my kids are all in weird stages. They are growing up. How they react to me is not how a reflection on my parenting....but how I react to them IS.

Provider: The truth is, God is my Provider. Not me. Not Adam. He provides for everyone differently. And I haven't trusted Him as provider. As my pastor would say, "I have an opportunity to pray!" in this area of my life. He knows the rising costs of life. He knows the things we need and want. He knows what is really important. I've looked to a number to tell me my worth, but He knows ALL of the hairs on my head. I think that is far worth more than the $192/week I was making....that the Creator of all thinks of me as many times as grains of sand on the earth. And so in this area I've realized I secretly had a back up plan....when God is telling me to throw away the back up plan. To trust Him completely to provide as He will, through my husband, because that is the order He has for my household. So honey, I'm staying home....just in case you were wondering!

Homeschooling: The truth is, I haven't been disciplined this month in schooling. With the house renovations and Christmas and potty training, it just slipped away. Still we did more than we used to do before I was schooling....a lot of coloring and an advent calendar. When you homeschool, you have the advantage of working with your kid fully until they grasp a subject. You don't necessarily cease the other subjects, but they can take a back burner so you can focus in on what you need to cover. So right now, guess what....my homeschooling consists of potty training! Ha! Sure we will still work on patterns and numbers, and ABC's....but the test we are cramming for is the potty test! Also, I have to remember that a teacher in the school system gets off days, vacations, and sick days. I haven't been taking them. So I've had a bad month....I'm just gonna look at it as accumulated sick days!

Wife: The truth is, if my husband didn't love me and the challenge of being with an emotional girl, he would of married someone else. 'Nuff said! (still, i'm sorry for being so emo the other night!)

I hope that in my vulnerability and my struggles you can find some truth in your lives too. That we don't have to be "supermom" or "superhousekeeper" or "superwife" (you get the idea). We just have to trust in the One who gave us this position in life, and live for Him, and everything else falls in place.

And in case you were wondering, devil, yeah, I listened to you last night....but this morning I'm awakened to the truth. A failure???? I think NOT!!

Merry Christmas, and until next time, Christ Strong!!!

A Picture is Worth 1000 Words

2011-12-13T09:46:00.002-05:00

A Picture is Worth 1000 Words!!!

This weekend posed some parental challenges for us. It seems that everyone was in a mood. Troy has been in a "pre-teen I'm too cool fight authority mood." Danielle has been extra clingy, and Liam has been in an independent "no I don't wanna eat this...no I don't wanna go here or there....no, no no!" mood. Needless to say, when I saw this scene in my living room, I had to capture it. Despite our "growing pains", (even mine and Adam's), we are still family and still love eachother as such.

This is my new foyer! Wasn't planned, but we decided to tear some paneling off the wall and all around my front walkway is brick paneling in excellent condition!! If one didn't know better, you may think it was brick!! So from my front door, all the way across to the archway to my dining room, is this new beauty. Little to no work, and FREE. I can't believe they covered this up!

Troy, mixing the drywall compound with paint for our ceiling. It turned out well. We even have a ceiling fan now! Altho we are planning on getting the faux tin ceiling installed in our living room and foyer, and kitchen. It isn't crazy expensive and looks rich. Until then, we can enjoy the brightness of the room with the new ceiling.

These next pics are worth 1000 words from this summer.....still touch my heart.

The final countdown!! In Kuwait, this was Adam's countdown to coming back Stateside. Love it! Wow, how ten months have flown, but while I was in it, it seemed to go so SLOW!

Adam's flight home. A tough season over, and God has definitely used it (as He uses everything in our lives for good).

Loading the plane home. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh! Long year, OVER!!!

Surprise!! Merry Christmas to ME!!! YUMMO!!!

Until next time, Merry Christmas and Christ Strong!!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

2011-12-10T18:06:00.001-05:00

So today began with pictures at my friend Melissa's house. I took her family and she took mine. It was a nice visit as well with her and her husband Mike, and Troy was excited for cable tv viewing! Liam and Danielle had fun raiding Sophia's room and playing with her cool toys!

Unfortunately with the pictures, her children (except Sophia), are all teenagers, and can smile on cue. Mine are all elementary age/preschool age and getting us all to look at the camera and smile on cue is not the easiest task. If it wasn't one thing it was another... Liam pouting ("I don't want my picture taken!!!"), my scolding ("If you just smile this whole thing will be over!") and the children growing impatient having a hard time holding a smile. In any case, the pictures were taken and this was the best one of the lot. Well, the best two pictures of the lot. It was nothing of Melissa's doing....it was the subjects that I had asked to have photographed.

I know one day I'll look back on this picture and laugh at my days of past. One day, one of my kids will hand me their Christmas photographs of their family and it will be similar to this one, their children looking bored and off to the distance. Still, it's hard to not compare...I think because a photograph says a lot. It shows joy on the subject's faces. It shows well behaved children or mischievous ones...or so we think.

As I type this my husband hands me a hot cup of coffee, and the younger kids and I watch "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". I'm at the part of the show where the Grinch realizes that Christmas is much more than "boxes, packages and bags.....". And I can apply that to my life, silly as it seems, over a photograph. Christmas is much more than a "Perfect Holiday Photograph". So without further ado, here is my family, Christmas 2011.

Liam is 3, Danielle is 6, and Troy is 10.

Despite my sadness over the Christmas photo, my children are quite amazing. Danielle has entertained me tonight with random songs of Jesus that she made up and dance. Liam is always willing to snuggle, and Troy handed me his camera and suggested that we retake the photograph, because he knew how upset I was.

Realistically, the picture is good, it just didn't stand up to "my" standards, which were pretty unreasonable anyways for a mother of three young children. Still, I can rejoice in the fact that this year is the first year I can decorate the FULL tree (not just the top half). One day I'll rejoice in the fact that my family will look "picture perfect" in our Christmas photograph. Until then, I'll rejoice that we have fun and are joyful despite our photogenic skills!

We just finished decorating our tree. Our neighbor last year blessed us with their "old" tree of three years and it is so nice and full. Here are more pictures of us preparing our house for the season!

I think these pictures more sum up my life and my family than the formal one from before. The kids loved decorating with their "special" ornaments that we bought for them or that they have made in years past. Our tree mostly consists of "memory" ornaments and a few bulbs. I love to look back over the memories!

Liam says, "all this holiday decorating is exhausting!!!!"

Probably the BEST thing about the Christmas picture is that Adam is pictured in it. Last year, our Christmas was lonely and via Skype, as he was deployed. This year he is here, and even tho our Christmas day will be a quiet one, it will be a wonderful one! We plan a quiet day of presents, Christmas movies, and if it has snowed, some snow play, hot cocoa, and coffee!

Until next time, have a relaxing and joyous Christmas season, and Christ Strong!!

Abandoned Rooms

2011-12-08T09:08:00.001-05:00

I'm excited because I woke up with another blog in my heart!! Well, two things actually. First, I've noticed little "remnants" of a critter sneaking into my kitchen. VERY freaky. Luckily Adam assures me this critter is not giant but a tiny mouse. Still. He (and his family?) ate the D Con we set out and we were sure whoever they were, they were dead....then yesterday I noticed MORE little remnants of mice. UGH!!

It's frustrating because I keep my house generally pretty clean. Sure I may have children clutter, but when it comes to dishes being done, floors swept, counters wiped...I do that. So why are those mice getting in??

Well, it's cold out. And quite frankly, I live right next to an abandoned house. Which is NOT uncommon on my street, unfortunately. And the house I'm next to is trashed, really really trashed from what I hear. My guess is that whatever critter it was moved in from next door, because it's warmer here and we have food.

My husband did some research....got traps, peppermint oil, and steel wool/great stuff. He worked last night to make our house "Mice Resistant". The peppermint oil is a detterant to keep them away. You put them on cotton balls. Thankfully, it's Christmas Time, and the house smells REALLY good!!

I was reminded of this verse in Matthew 12:43-45, "⁴³ “When an evil^[a] spirit leaves a person, it goes into the desert, seeking rest but finding none. ⁴⁴Then it says, ‘I will return to the person I came from.’ So it returns and finds its former home empty, swept, and in order. ⁴⁵ Then the spirit finds seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they all enter the person and live there. And so that person is worse off than before. That will be the experience of this evil generation.”

Thankfully, my house is "swept and in order", and should keep the mice out, but I thought of it more in a spiritual sense as well. When God heals us from something, we have kind of an "empty room" in our heart where that hurt once lived. We have to fill that room, or the enemy will try to come back and reside. A pastor I know and respect often says we need to preach the gospel to ourselves. And so it is true, what we fill in that room is the Good News of Jesus, what He did for us, how much He loves us....stuff like that. The Word. Then when the enemy comes back to try to regain his place...there will be no room for him!! So in a spiritual sense, here is what I see my "mousetraps" to be:

The Steel Wool and Great Stuff: The Steel Wool makes it hard for any critter to go through, but if he was persistent enough and got through, the Great Stuff is this spray foam that expands....He DEFINITELY cannot get through that! To me, I see that as the Word. As we shield ourselves with the Word...the enemy cannot permeate, because the Word is so deep within our hearts.

The Peppermint Oil: The Peppermint Oil is like the Holy Spirit. As we worship and praise the Lord, The Holy Spirit's aroma fills our homes and fills our lives. So much so that when anyone enters our presence, they can smell it! They can tell that there is something different about us...and it's all Him, not us. As that aroma fills our lives, the enemy is warded off...because he cannot dwell where God's name is praised!

The Mouse Traps: I see that as Jesus' sacrifice. Jesus died, NOT only so we could get into heaven, but so we can experience His victory on earth. He said, "I have overcome the world", (John 16:33, "I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”) So I see the mousetraps as Jesus dying...overcoming the world....overcoming those "traps" that ensnare us. How beautiful!!

On a different note, I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. I was in denial about this in the dream because realistically I knew it couldn't be true...(I've had surgery), and I hadn't gained much weight or had any other symptoms. But one day (in the dream...NOT real life), I was in church and someone asked me, "When are u due?" Shocked I said, "How do you know?? I haven't even taken a test yet or seen a doctor!!" And the person said, "I just know, you are near being due too!!" (you know how when you are pregnant you find out and you are like ten weeks or so, in my dream I guess I was near completion of the pregnancy!) I woke up from the dream when I was going to the doctors to find out how far along I was. I had walked to the church, and so had to walk further to the doctors. It was a Sunday, and most offices were closed, still I found one that was open. Knowing I'd be charged more because it wasn't an office day, it didn't bother me....I woke up as I walked in the doctor's office to find out my results.

I believe that dreams could be crazy (too much pizza???), could be something we are struggling with (things we don't deal with tend to rise up in our subconscious during the night), and spiritual. I believe this one is spiritual, and I'm excited to see it come to pass!!!

So, today is full of cleaning my house (spiritually and physically), and praising the Lord, the Restorer of lost dreams!! Until next time, Christ Strong!!!

Today

2011-12-07T22:28:00.001-05:00

Today was an interesting day. It was snowing, and I so needed that to feel "Christmas-y". Liam and I watched the snow and dreamed of making snowmen. "Big ones", he says. Although the snow we got is minimal and we'd be lucky to have a decent snowball fight with it, but hey, pretty soon it will be enough to make snowmen.

Today I realized there are few things I enjoy, but one thing I really enjoy is singing. Mainly in a choir, rather than solo. I love the mix of voices, the instruments, or harmonizing voices when singing acapella. Currently I'm caroling with my church downtown, and the practices have been uplifting. Last night I was late to practice but made it, and later someone told me I had a nice singing voice. How much I needed that!! I have felt for so long that my voice is ruined from having babies (I have heard childbirth affects your voice) and screaming! Where I used to be a First Soprano (high soprano), I became an Alto, and honestly I have NO IDEA what I sing now! Sometimes I feel tone deaf and that I've lost that gift of singing from long ago. But today I was thinking, I need to do something with that. (singing). I'm not sure what, but I never feel as close to God as when I'm singing with brothers and sisters to Him. And I never feel as fulfilled in my heart as when I'm singing as well. I can't describe it. Something just wells up inside of me when I'm singing.

Today I received an interesting phone call. An apology long overdue, but came and God used it. The two things that I needed to hear were said, "I'm sorry", and "You were valuable". I think it's funny how certain instances in our lives stick with us, they form our ideas about ourselves and they become the attitudes that we carry when we think of who we are. For the past few weeks, I've felt very insecure about my position in life. I know the sayings that "A stay at home mom is worth far more than she realizes...." and "I'm shaping a future for my child...." and "It's the hardest yet most rewarding job you will ever have." And I know these and believe these. But it's hard to remember that when, after months and months of potty training....your child REFUSES to use the potty, or doesn't seem to want to go to story hour or homeschool group, and makes a scene and you have to leave..AGAIN!!!, .....when I run through Walmart again to buy pull-ups at $15 a pop, while moms of two year olds are buying the "big kid pants"....I wonder what difference I'm making in the world. I wonder if I'm doing it right. And so my thoughts lingered at that place.

Today I realized: All that time, for the past four years, I should have taken them captive. I KNOW who God says I am. I KNOW I'm in the position of life that He wants me to be at. I KNOW God's voice and I KNOW the enemy's.....still. So I got the call today and it shook me up a bit. But it was good. God was in it, and reassuring me the entire time that no matter what I do, I'm valuable at it. I feel like I can now have closure on that part of my life, and that I don't need to perform to be "worthy" or to be seen as "good enough". I just have to be me, and let God work.

Today, (well actually yesterday, but I'm going with my "today" theme), I realized that whatever internet search engine I used to find my ideal weight wasn't completely true. It gave me a number, but not a range. I researched it further and found that I am only 2 lbs from the heaviest weight in my "healthy range". Yay! Altho, I am working to lose ten more pounds, I'm not going to go for the full fifteen unless I reach that ten lb. goal and realize that I could be healthier going further. But if I lose ten lbs and feel like I'm at the healthiest weight for me....I'm stopping. That is very exciting and liberating.

Today I looked through my old Christmas scrapbook. It starts from 2005 and is finished up til last season. I realized that even tho some years I looked skinnier and younger, I was not necessarily healthier, as I did no physical activity except what I needed to do. I realize that I really enjoy exercise, whether biking or just doing calisthenics, it is very rewarding to see some results from my workouts, whether I work out for 15 minutes or an hour a day.

Today I realized the wondrous power of almonds! Who told me they were the energy food?? I had SIX today....SIX....and was busy cleaning, organizing, working my Thirty One.....who needs caffeine when you have almonds??!!!

Today my husband starting mudding the seams in the drywall ceiling. It's nice to see progress in such a vital room in our house. I can't wait for the day that I blog, "Today my living room is finished!!" One day, that will be my today!! Until then, I will continue to celebrate my today, today!!

Until next time.....Christ Strong!!

Renovations

2011-11-30T10:48:00.001-05:00

Just a quick note on some renovations:

Last night my husband and I tore our drop ceiling out of our living room. To our surprise the entire ceiling underneath (or above, actually) was drywalled! It is not finished off, but we got some spackle and tape and plan to finish the ceiling this week and next, before we put the tree up. Also surprisingly, it is less than a foot higher than the drop ceiling! Our only guess is that they were trying to hide a pipe that is near my piano/stairway, but still, I think we can work with it. In the spring we will work on drywalling the living room, then laying new carpet. It will be SOOOO nice to have a living room that I enjoy sitting in!! And working with my husband on it is a very fun and rewarding experience.

This is what we found:

Crazy Drywall!!!!

And a pipe!

On a different renovation note....I am down ten lbs now!!! It's exciting to see double digits! Still watching carbs (and NOT as they are entering my mouth!!) and still counting calories and drinking water as my only drink (minus a diet soda ONCE in a while, and my daily cup of coffee). Still have a ways to go, and a few exciting discoveries on the way:

1. I like spaghetti squash in place of spaghetti! who woulda thunk? But last night we had a hearty dish of spaghetti squash, spaghetti sauce, and ground beef...and at a cup (of the squash) at 42 cals, I didn't feel bad eating a little more. Suprisingly, the cup and a half that I ate was MORE than enough! Wow, how I would of piled my plate before!!

2. Carb Smart Chocolate Ice Cream by Breyers......a woman's best friend!! At 90 cals/4 grams carbs per half cup, I can eat a cup of it and feel totally satisfied. In the past, with other icecream, I would fill a large bowl. How I ate so much I'll never know! The other day I ate "non diet" ice cream at a birthday party....and you know what? I PREFER the diet stuff! YAY!!!

3. Cauliflower Mash.....it's ok. It will never replace the real potato thing. BUT, if you cook cauliflower and season it just right, who needs mashed potatoes!!?? I was totally satisfied at Thanksgiving with steamed cauliflower instead of mashed potatoes!

Some things I need to still work on:

1. Water! I do not drink enough water still. I can tell when I do, my clothes fit better, my tummy is more "normal", and I feel healthier. Even my skin is clearer. But when I drink other things (like a bunch of diet soda), I feel sluggish and bloated! But my issue isn't so much drinking other things, it is not drinking anything. I used to be nicknamed "Camel", and rightfully so....I could begin a workday with a 20 oz bottle and leave with that bottle still half full!

2. Variety. I need some new meal ideas. Still not really eating any baked goods. Even if I get the healthier flour, I just really don't want it. Altho on the Fresh Beat Band today, Twist got a soft pretzel, and boy that just looked good!!

Well, I'm off to school Liam, drink some water, and have my snack of grapes! Until next time, Christ Strong!!

Thanksgiving

2011-11-28T09:24:00.001-05:00

For Thanksgiving, we decided to take a drive up to Ohio and see my folks. I was excited to because I had been homesick for a while. We drove up Wednesday afternoon, got stuck in horrendous traffic, but finally made it to our destination by 9 pm.

We had a lot of fun this weekend. Thursday my brother and his family and my sister and her husband came by for dinner and visiting. Our children loved playing together again. It seems even tho they don't see eachother but a few times a year, they get along like they see eachother all of the time.

Liam and Lora; She took to him and later told me, "I wish Liam was my little brother!"

We went to Avon Lake on Friday since the weather was in the low 60's. It was a great idea; the kids had a blast and my siblings and I were able to catch up a little longer. Here is Danielle and Lora. We had to keep telling them to come closer to us on the rocks!

This is why, when you ask me to photograph your family.....I cringe! I am NOT a people photographer! The only thing good about this picture is that I got all of the cousins together...LOL. Needless to say, we had a lot of fun at the lake, but unfortunately, I don't think this is the pic I'm going to mail to my folks for their frames

This is my brother and my sister. It's funny because growing up, I remember all of our silly sibling bickerings....and fast forward to my children, and I hear myself saying "When you grow up, you are going to like eachother!!" They laugh and scoff, but I can assure them this is true.

This is just a good pic of Liam. He climbed on the rocks too, which freaked me out. Underneath his feet is a layer of small shells. It was really neat.

Since I'm not coming up for Christmas, my siblings and I exchanged our Christmas presents with eachother and with the children. Altho, since it was Thanksgiving, not Christmas, we had to work with this tree instead of a Christmas tree!!!

I did see my mom for a little while on Friday as well. We all went over to her house and had lasagna, salad, grapes and cake. It was nice to see her again.

My thanksgiving was all in all a great week. The food was great, the family was greater. I wasn't able to see my grandparents, which was hard, because I haven't seen them since last January, and I know Grandpa is not in good health. Saturday, I took my stepmom out to best buy and helped her pick out her new toy, a Kindle Fire. She really likes it. And altho I like it too, I'm glad I got the Nook that I got. I could see the Fire being too much of a distraction for me.

We left late Saturday night. It was sad; I do miss my family and the fact that my children only get to see them a few times a year hurts my heart. But when I got home, I realized that I have "sisters" here, and "brothers", and "parents"....and even tho they can never replace my blood relatives, they are still needed in my life.

On the subject of Thanksgiving, I read this free book on my Nook last night. It's "The Wood Parables", and has short stories that make you think. The story I read last night was about two trees: a Lemon Tree and an Apple Tree. The Lemon Tree got a compliment from a young girl, and the Apple Tree was suddenly overtaken with this feeling of inadequacy, and wanted to be just like the Lemon Tree. The Lemon Tree told her to shake all of her apples off her tree, run down to the store, and buy lemons. She did such and ran down and the rest of the day the Lemon Tree and Apple Tree spent hanging lemons on her tree. The following day, a child saw the "new" lemon tree and complimented her beauty. She was happy.

One day, the "new" Lemon Tree's fruit rotted, and as she was shaking the old lemons off, and preparing to run and buy some more, the Gardener came. He stood amazed at the Apple Tree, and wondered to Himself, "Why has a perfectly good apple tree produced no fruit? Well....at least it's good for firewood!" And he grabbed his ax.

Sometimes we look at others gifts, talents, belongings, lifestyles....and think, "If only I had that, I'd be happy." But that isn't who our Creator made us to be! And if we go and pursue those things that we weren't created to be, it not only leaves us feeling unsatisfied, but it makes our Creator disappointed, because He purposely created us for a very specific purpose!! So, what I took from this story is, no matter what our position in life, be thankful!! And if you are unsure of your purpose in the world right now, ASK!! He will give you wisdom if you ask for it!

Until next time, Christ Strong!

Fun with Kids

2011-11-20T08:17:00.001-05:00

So Thanksgiving week has started and I have all of my children for a whole week....YAY!!! Here are some of our adventures thus far:

We visited a bike shop, Positive Spin, in Morgantown. They take donated bikes and restore them and resale them for cheap prices. Adam actually donated "Dirty Harry" (his blue recumbent) a few months ago, and it was odd seeing the bike sitting there. They have a great selection, and are really nice too. They tried to help Danielle learn to ride without training wheels, which was really sweet the time they invested in her.

When Adam sells recumbent trikes, he may set up some there in the shop. More info to follow as the business unfolds....

Anyways, here are some pix of our adventures:

We found a tricycle that Liam did well riding! It was only $5 and perfect because the other bikes he had a hard time pushing!

Danielle and her "new" bike. Still with training wheels, but she will get it soon!

Troy did not need a bike, but he used his babysitting money and got a new skateboard! He really enjoys the sport, and I'm glad! (He's not much of a sport guy, and I didn't want him playing video games all day!!)

Showing his "moves"!

If Troy ever sees this picture, he will kill me! But we got a new family game as well, Hedbandz, which basically you ask questions to guess what you are on your head. We had a lot of fun with it!

Liam however, is a lil' stinker, and tells you what you are. He constantly told Daddy he was an orange, I was milk, Danielle was a hippo....LOL. We had fun tho. He didn't really play, but luckily with this type of game, he still felt like he was playing! Now if he would just learn to keep secrets during the game.....

On different adventures, I lost 9 lbs. total since I've been counting calories and working out. It's great! I try to bike every day, but Sundays and really only have 16 lb. to go to get to my goal weight. It's exciting! I'm wearing clothes that were small on me a month ago! I'm still not where I want to be, but progress is NICE!!! Adam is doing well too. It's hard for him...he enjoys biking outdoors and with the colder weather and the shorter days he has a hard time getting out. But he's also losing and looking great!!

Well, got to get ready for church! Until next time....Christ Strong!!!

Surprise!!!

2011-11-16T09:33:00.001-05:00

Three amazing surprises this week!

First, my best friend moved BACK to Fairmont! A year ago the Sutyaks moved to PA. That was such a hard time in my life, because my other dear friend Joy and her hubby Mike moved to Maryland earlier that year. Not to mention Adam got deployed and I got word that my inlaws were moving to Georgia sometime in the year! I felt like everyone I loved was leaving me! Altho I knew it wasn't true, that circumstances just made them have to move....my emotions were haywire! So when I got word that Andi and her family were moving back to WV, I was ecstatic! A kindred spirit moving back! We helped them move last weekend, and the kids have already had playdates!

Young Love!!!

Kids being kids!!!

My Second Surprise:

A half dozen roses!!! To celebrate our "Six Year Dating Anniversary", my husband got me this gorgeous bouquet... one rose/year of dating! He is truly a romantic!!!

My Third Surprise:

A NOOK!!!

Monday night my husband came home and said we needed to get out of the house. He asked me what we should do. He said, "Make it crazy...something we would NEVER do!!" I said, "Let's go to Barnes and Noble and look at Nooks, and possibly buy one!!" He immediately grabbed his socks and we went!! He had been wanting to get me a Kindle Fire, or a Nook Tablet, because they have web browsing capabilities, and you can put apps on them.....check email....all the bells and whistles. I just wanted an e-reader. Something to store my books on. Plus computer screens hurt my eyes and the basic nooks and kindles have a different screen, comparable to reading a book. After much deliberation (as to which my best choice was, he REALLY wanted me to get a fancy one!!), we got the Nook Simple Touch! It's Sooo nice! I have so many books on it already, some are free and the others are low cost. You can put the books you buy on shelves for organization, you can highlight and bookmark, and the Nook keeps your place for you. It's so nice.

God has truly blessed me with awesome friends, family, and an amazing husband and children. And now I'm off to build a tower with my little guy!! Until next time, Christ Strong!!

Happy Dating Anniversary!

2011-11-10T09:30:00.001-05:00

Six years ago today (or so we think....) Adam and I had our first date. So I write this blog to him, and to celebrate all God has blessed us with since he knocked on my door six years ago. (Warning: somewhat mushy and nostalgic.....if you DON'T read this one I totally understand!! But Adam you MUST read this one!!)

I remember we saw Zorro 2, at Tygart Valley Cinemas. It was a warm fall day. I remember I wore a brown sweater and blue jeans, and you wore a green button up shirt and jeans. I remember we listened to K-love in your black car, named, "the beast". I remember there was a LOT of kissing in that movie which made me nervous, because I wasn't ready to even hold hands, let alone kiss. But you were a gentleman and didn't do what Zorro did, thankfully at that time! I remember you bought me a diet Pepsi. I remember you elbowed me in the head when you tried to put your arm across my shoulder, and invited me to dinner afterward.....but I was too woozy from cold medicine. I remember we ended the date with a hug and a few days later you came by with some cold medicine. You were and still are always very considerate and sweet.

Now we are married and I have such joy in my life because of you. You help me so much that you don't even know. I keep reminding myself that I was made to be YOUR help meet, but you help me so much in laughing at myself, talking about my feelings, encouraging my dreams, helping me with the kids/dinner/dishes/laundry......I definitely got the sweet end of the deal.

I'm so proud of the man you have become, and so proud because I can see all that God is doing in you to make you more into the man He created you to be. I remember in the beginning, all of the job stress and even insecurity you had because of the job stress.....and now, I see a man confident in his calling and in his current place in this life. You are content where you are but also hopeful for what God has for you next, which is so very inspiring.

A few more quick memories, if you'll bear with me.....

Remember when we were dating....and I had all those crazy Chi Alpha parties at my house? They lasted til 2 am or so, then I had to get the kids ready in the morning and go to work at 9? That was only because I wanted to hang out with you. :) Now I can barely stay up til 11 and I don't even work outside the house!!

Remember when we were dating....we played DDR like crazy? Remember Tsugaro? Oh we had so much fun!! DDR isn't the same like it was back then! (but at least now we have our trikes!!) I'm still hoping they will make that orange disk, "DDR 2 Max" for the Wii someday, so we can dance to Tsugaro.

Remember when we were dating....and we watched Danielle and Troy grow up before our very eyes? Remember when Troy ran to you straight out of the bathtub, or Danielle and the Ferbie?? Remember the many many MANY games of Chutes and Ladders you played with Troy? You always were so good with my kids....which is funny because I always heard you weren't a "kid guy". Ha ha, I love how we invaded your bubble!!!

I have so many other dating memories....but I don't want to bore the other blog readers. :) You always were and still are so very fun to date.

Love you! Until next time......Christ Strong!

Potty Training and E-Readers

2011-11-09T16:48:00.001-05:00

Liam and I right now are watching "Elmo Potty Time" that we got from the library. This is the second time we have watched it. I've determined that Liam is indeed ready to be potty trained, but I need to be disciplined. I've tried all sorts of things, but what I haven't tried is what I feel God is telling me to do: to slow down. Not doing anything....not running too much....so I can focus on this.

I started off setting an egg timer for every half hour....and ended up very frustrated. It seemed that whenever I put him on he didn't have to go....and then he would go immediately in his pants. Frustration!

I read "The No Cry Potty Training Solution", and I secretly wondered if the title was for the parent who was training the child, or the child!!! But in this book it talks about trying every two hours, or after they wake, after lunch, after nap, after dinner, and before bed.

Some people have tried candy as a reward. I can't do that. I may if it comes down to it, but I don't want to do that (I should say, instead of "I can't"). I made a chart where we can put stickers on when he uses the potty. He enjoys that process. I may give him a special treat (like candy) once he gets so many stickers.

So.....if the next few weeks I don't do much.......I am sort of a recluse.....don't worry about me! I'm just potty training!! ha ha! Altho my mind does wonder how we will do at my parents when we go to Ohio for Thanksgiving??

On a different note, I'm looking at e-readers. I want a simple e-reader for my books, especially my favorites.....of course I'm overwhelmed! Adam saw a Kindle Fire which is like an iPad LITE, and Nook also has a version of this. Now I'm looking at RAM, Memory, Storage, Apps....ahhhh!! What happened to just reading a good book on a computer type screen that fit in your purse? LOL. I know they still have basic Kindles and Nooks, altho, IF I can get something better, I want to go that route. Especially with Adam working from home a lot, I can use that to check my blogs as well. So we'll see. I'm researching and I'm sure I'll fill up more blog pages with what I decide.

Well, that's it for now. This Elmo show is kinda inspiring. And sad. It talks about the kids growing up, tying their shoes, riding a bike, zipping their coats, and using the potty. Sigh. I guess it's inevitable, right?

Until next time.....Christ Strong!

Gotta Go Through It

2011-11-08T09:25:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I took my son Liam on a nature walk through the Morgantown Ave. Rail Trail. It was just he and I, and we had to take advantage of the nice day. Normally, I wouldn't think of going on the trail alone, especially that one....my mind always reverts to the Law and Order SVU episodes where the "young fit 30-something" is jogging in the park and some crazed man hunts her down and kills her! But it was nearby and I thought, "Why not?"

Well, we didn't encounter a crazed man....we encountered a crazed BAT! It was flying around the entrance of the tunnel. At first I ran and screamed, pushing my stroller quickly! Then I saw others walking, biking, and running and thought, "Really? Come on, it's just a bat!" So I QUICKLY ran in and hunching over, ran through the tunnel.

It never really occurred to me until halfway through that I'd have to pass that way again. Was the walk really worth it? Well, it was a nice walk. And I burned more calories, which I needed to do since I was feeling so sluggish from a weekend of Army briefings.

So when we turned around to return home, somehow the bat was at the OTHER entrance of the tunnel (not the far end), so we had another go round with him.

My friend Chrissy called me and I told her of my plight. She gave me ideas and tried to encourage me, that bats really don't hurt people and they are just looking for bugs to eat....told me of her own experiences............and laughed so hard when I told her I was STILL standing outside that tunnel!!! (like twelve minutes later!!!) Finally, I saw a woman walking two dogs and decided to wait for her...we walked through together and the bat did not attack us.....it just flew around and around, searching for bugs to eat from the dust we stirred up with our feet.

God taught me something through this ordeal. When I was talking to Chrissy, she said, "You gotta go through it!! Your car is over there!!" How often have we looked at the tunnel in our lives that we need to go through, see the "bats" flying around, and run in the other direction? We know we have to go through, but the bats scare us. They can't hurt us (unless we let them). They can only show their wings and freak us out. I was tempted to walk back to Prickett's Fort....wait there until someone could pick us up and take us back to my car at the trail head. But realistically, we couldn't, and I knew that. So I went through.

I think we see the tunnel, which is scary in itself, then see the bats....and then run away.....thinking, "It's not worth it!! I can't do it!!!" But God gives us what we need when we go through the batty tunnels. He gives us friends to help us on the way, giving us strategies, talking us through, encouraging us.....

Today is another beautiful fall day.....will I walk again? Probably!! But I think I'll hit the Prickett's Fort Trail head this time.....just in case!

Until next time, Christ Strong!!!

Progress

2011-11-04T10:29:00.000-04:00

I think we need to celebrate the little victories in our lives to encourage us to keep going to conquer the big ones. And so here is my victory, I started cutting out carbs (except healthy ones) about a month ago, and I'm down 5 lbs! I'm definitely not at my goal weight, but I can wear some of my smaller jeans! Yippee!!

Some things that helped me with this:

fruit. Grapes and Strawberries mainly. I like apples and they are filling but I LOVE grapes and Berries.
water. I hate to drink just water but now I pretty much drink just that....not even low cal flavored water! I feel so much better after drinking it. And I cut out most diet sodas too. Those are a "special treat" i give myself. Because there still is no substitute for water. I noticed when I drank Coke Zero or Pepsi Max, I didn't lose the weight like when I drank water. So water it is!
Supportive friends and family. Really, if Liam wasn't so amiable and not upset that we basically eat no carbs at dinner, it would be hard. And when I have all of the children, I make them a potato or something, but they are pretty easy going that the house has less carbs in it. (as long as they have their junk that is!!)
Turkey Sausage, fully cooked. Let me tell you, I hate to cook breakfast. And i was getting burned out on eggs and turkey bacon. All you gotta do is pop it in the micro for 40 seconds....two patties are 120 cals.
Carb Smart Ice Cream. 90 Cals and 4 g carbs for 1/2 cup.....I can totally eat this and NOT feel guilty!
Cheese Sticks. Yum! I invest in the colby/jack kind and it makes snacktime more pleasant.
Joseph's Pitas. (Thanks Andi). 60 cals and 3 g carbs for a 6 inch pita....we made pizzas on them the other night and it was yummy!!!
My indoor bike trainer. I was opposed to spending the money for this, especially with money tight right now, but it's been my biggest motivator. Each morning I get up and do at least 20 mins-60 mins on this thing. Tag this with my iPod set to OC Supertones and we are set!!
Kimmy's Taco Salad. Love it and eat it every day! Take 2 cups of romaine, add a tbs of salsa, a tbs of plain, nonfat greek yogurt, cheese, 11 crushed multigrain tortilla chips (lowest carbs), ground beef, and taco sauce....stir up....and YUM! Fills you up for hours too!

So I'm still plugging away.

The inspiration that started all of this was that my doctor admitted to me that I was overweight. She didn't outright tell me, I had to ask. So it was gratifying to come in for my followup and her say, "You've lost some weight!!" I'm hoping at my next visit she will be even more surprised! As long as I can stay away from the temptations of Thanksgiving!!!

Until next time, Christ Strong!!

A Bunch of Good Thoughts

2011-10-21T08:35:00.003-04:00

So I just finished my "Battlefield of the Mind" class at church (well, my last class is Tuesday, but I finished the book), and I must say, WHY did I not read this earlier?! Joyce Meyer is so down to earth and practical, and her teachings were just what I needed. I think the most amazing thing I learned is how to actually take captive my thoughts, and that I don't have to think about every single thought that drops in my head. I learned that, while yes, the enemy of our souls does whisper things to us at times and we have to choose not to believe him....also, WE whisper things to ourselves that we have to choose not to believe. WE teach ourselves on how we think.....and we teach our children to as they watch us. I know I grew up always worrying, always thinking the worst, because I didn't want to be disappointed, so my mind automatically goes to complaining, worrying, and depression first. I have to STOP it and retrain it to think on what God wants.

I like how Joyce explains how to take the thoughts captive. I never knew how to do that. She says (paraphrased), "Bad thought comes in....Cast it Down (refuse to think it), Replace with Truth from God's Word". A lot of the time, my bad moods would come from me over obsessing about things before my feet hit the floor in the morning! And if someone hurt me, whether intentionally or not, I would replay it over and over in my mind, so much so that when I saw that person, I'd have to deal with feelings of bitterness towards them.

What I wasn't doing was giving the situations over to God. Or my day.

A couple of spiritual disciplines that I'm going to incorporate in my life:

Play good praise and worship music/teaching during my day. It will keep me focused on what matters and I can still do my daily stuff without stopping. Plus by hearing the Word, I can quickly retrieve it when needed.
Speaking the Word. Ok, don't go thinking I'm a name it and claim it. Cuz I'm not. I'm a realist with faith. :) If God's Word says it tho, it's true, right? And God's Word says, "I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13), then guess what? On my worst day, I can say this scripture and solidify it in my spirit. I like how she says it has to be God's Word that you are speaking, NOT your own. So I can't say, "God, I know you are going to give me a million dollars...." but I can say, with CONFIDENCE, "God, I know that you have NEVER seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging for bread, and so I know You are going to provide all of our needs. Times may be tough right now, but You are our provider." All of that is in scripture, and so it's not like I'm playing "genie" with God. Why do I speak it? I guess because I need to hear it! Yes, I can read it, but how much more can I retain by reading and hearing? Also Jesus spoke the Word against the devil when he tempted Him in the desert. He said with each temptation, "It is written...." And so if Jesus did it and it worked then it will work for me.
Know the Word. Obviously the former of speaking the Word won't work without knowing the Word, and so that's why it's good to have quiet time, to study, and to listen to praise and worship. I admit I'm not that good at this discipline. It requires me to stop what I'm doing for a period of time. But isn't God worth it? He stopped what He was doing for us....

So God is good, ALL the time! All the time, God is good! If you haven't read the book, you should. Even if you don't struggle in this area, it may give you insight on those in your life. I know it's shown me how to love others as well, and it gave me new eyes in their lives.

A couple of praiseworthy things:

Adam got a couple of big jobs this week for his work. This is awesome since he is in sales, to see the fruit of his labor. And it is a blessing financially as well.
Adam gets to work mainly from home now. Since he's running a different division of Line X, he doesn't have to be in the shop all of the time. So he does his research and calls from home, and then runs out on sales calls. I didn't have him for a year; now he is home for a good portion of his days!
I lost 4 lbs! And I feel great! I'm learning how to make healthier choices and how MANY carbs I was eating.....scary! (It was a LOT)

Speaking of which, time to bike before hitting the grocery store! Until next time, Christ Strong! Renew your Mind!!!! And I'm going to work on mine as well! :)

Wakey Wakey......

2011-10-13T09:04:00.001-04:00

Eggs and Bakie!!! So I'm going low carb. I did this before with South Beach and I did quite well. I'm still in detox mode. I know this now because I feel sick sometimes and headache-y, dizzy, and tired. Altho, unlike SBD, I am allowing myself fruits and sugar (in moderation). Just basicallly cutting out most breads, potatoes, rice, chips, junk....etc. I still usually eat some form of bread per day....usually toast, with my 35 cal bread, and usually only one slice. I used to eat bread at every meal, and snacked on carby snacks. I was a carbaholic!

It is going well. I've lost three pounds already. I can tell in my face and my tummy a lil. My goal is to lose a lil' over 20 lbs., to be healthier, to change the way I eat. Most people diet for the weight loss, and altho that is my number one motivator, I also want to change the way I eat. I'm not getting any younger, and as I grow so does my belly if I keep grabbing the stuff I grabbed when I was 20!

My only challenge has been variety in foods. And eating enough calories. Which I guess is two challenges but they are tied together. I'm SUCH a picky eater, afraid to try new things, that I don't eat enough because there isn't much to eat. Which is a LIE that I'm dealing with. There is a lot of good, healthy foods out there that I can eat, I just haven't tried them yet. :)

Here is a typical day for me:

Breakfast: (depending on my energy...ha ha), I can make two eggs and four pieces of turkey bacon and coffee. That usually does the trick and gets me moving, altho sometimes, I get tired of that. So today I'm trying a cup of grapes and cashews. I've also had my toast sometimes in the morning but if I have toast I cut it to one slice of the diet bread.

Lunch: This gets tricky. Sometimes (if I don't eat my eggs and bacon in the morning), I'll eat them now. Sometimes I'll eat my toast (if I ate eggs and bacon in the morning). Sometimes I'll eat leftover dinner. I like it when I eat the leftover dinner. :)

Dinner: A lean meat and LOTS of veggie side dishes. On date night I made steak in the crock and lima beans....and I didn't even miss the potatoes! (altho lima beans are a legume, I still eat them because they are not a "bad carb"). Or I get frozen brocolli and califlour....mmmm.....

Snacks: fruit: gala apples, grapes, berries.....(NO sugar added to my berries...hard to do!) Nuts, mainly peanuts and cashews, altho I may try almonds. If I'm craving chocolate I can have Sugar Free Fudgesicles or Jello. Baby Carrots or Green Peppers in ranch or hummus.

I can definitely use some ideas on meals...snacks...everything! Along with this, I'm trying to exercise at least 4 times a week. Sometimes it's just going for a nature walk with Liam. Sometimes it's pilates. Sometimes it's biking. Adam bought an indoor trainer for us and it comes in today (yipee!!) so I will try to start biking regularly, despite the weather.

This week I'm being a little leinient on working out, as I'm going thru the detox and sometimes it's all I can do to do the stuff around the house! I'm starting to feel more human (at least right now) and hope to start pilates and walking back into my routine, and maybe soon....hardcore biking. The awesome thing about biking is that you burn so many calories that you can have your "cheat day" and not feel guilty!!

Another date night diet story: We decided to hit Dairy Creme Corner after our walk in the trails to reward ourselves, especially since they will be closing soon. I got my usual...a small hot fudge sundae, with chocolate icecream instead of vanilla. I used to eat the whole thing and then want more! I ate half of it. Half! And I threw the rest away! I hate to waste food and money, but I was so stuffed and I knew if I continued on I would ruin all the work I've been doing! Yay! (see this self control thing isn't soooo hard...right?? ;)

A last thing I've been trying to incorporate is more water. Or for me its my no cal 4C Wildberry Promogranite Drink, because very rarely can I drink plain water. I realized a lot of my snacking was a need to drink, but instead of drinking, I'd grab candy, or snacks, or something else sweet. This satisfies that because it IS sweet and I'm getting more hydrated too. Now I'm working to instill that in my kids, mainly Troy and Liam, who want snacks ALL the time and don't drink as much as they should. Oh the things I taught them unknowingly!

That's about it. Off to school Liam a lil' and head to the library for story hour.

Until next time, Christ Strong!!

Time

2011-10-04T12:11:00.003-04:00

There comes a time in everyone's life where you evaluate where you have spent your time. With whom you have spent your time. Has that time been beneficial for you or for them? Moreso, have you used your time the best you could for God?

I think about how much time it takes for me to walk past my computer and refresh my facebook so I can see what my friends are doing. Or what their opinion is on something I never had an opinion on. Or see what banter they share with eachother. A second right? But how many seconds? Those seconds add to minutes quickly, and before I know it I'm shushing my children so I can "catch up".

How much time do we allow ourselves to rest? To relax and watch a funny show? To eat lunch, sitting down? To flip through a magazine? To relax on Facebook, even?

What about with God? Have you talked to Him yet today? Have I? Have we listened for His voice, read His Words, meditated on His goodness?

We often let others dictate our time for us. If my phone rings, I don't always get it. This frustrates some. It's nothing personal, I'm just tired of letting the phone dictate what I do. Usually, I'm busy. After all I am a homeschooling, business owning, mother and wife....so if I'm not running one kid to the potty or running an errand or looking up a lesson plan, I may be resting or spending time with God. Or breaking up a sibling fight. Or finding the lost blankie. Again.

I do better with texts. Probably because I can answer quickly and get back to what I need to do. I know I need to be a better phone friend, and I'm working on it. Prioritizing time has always been an issue for me as I've let everyone dictate my time. I'm now settling into a routine that works for me, and I can incorporate one or two afternoon phone calls per day without feeling the pressure, as long as they aren't hour-long conversations.

Most people think that stay at home moms eat bon bons and watch TV all day. I don't. I read a lot, because I want to be alert and knowledgable. I play alot because my kids will only be this young once. I do visit, and I do hobbies, but mostly it's upkeep on the household duties and spending time with my family. Homeschooling has begun a more time-challenge for me but I'm doing pretty well with it, actually. It makes me analyze more of my time, because I have another big responsibility added on my day.

I know I'm getting older. I'm no longer the 20 something with 20 something responsibilities. Altho I never was such a person, just from life circumstance. Still, we can get caught up in that and forget that there is great joy in our responsibilities and duties in our 30's...in young mother and wifehood. It's not all gloom and housework and boring-ness. To some it may seem boring and silly to know all the words to "Barbara Manatee" (Veggietales, King George and Ducky), but last night, when I sang it and danced my own "ballroom style" with Danielle, my family and I had fun. So fun is different, but still fun....and life is different, but still a good life.

I guess I'm known for blogs that go all over the place, and this one does as well....but some challenging questions for myself and maybe you too:

1. Are you content with your own skin? With who you are? Age? Habits?
2. How are you spending your time? Are you in control of it, or are others?
3. Do you find joy in everything, even silly children's shows that you've seen a million times? Because finding joy in the mundane is really the key to enjoying life.

Until next time.....Christ Strong!

A is for more than just Apple....but that's a good start!

2011-09-27T13:18:00.001-04:00

So I've decided to begin a "Letter of the Week" that my good friend Megan had done with her kids last year in schooling with Liam. I began with the letter A today and of course on my search on the internet, I've learned that basically if you type in google, "Letter A printables" or "Letter A videos" you always get an apple? Why is that? There is more to the letter A than apples!! But anyways I went with it and so today's lesson about A was an apple coloring page (which he began red, but as I changed the color of the apple on my screen, he added that color to his apple, so now it's a rainbow of sorts), and watching some good alphabet videos on youtube, some dealing with the whole alphabet, most dealing with just the letter A. (by the way, Between the Lions on PBS.org has great videos! I like the vowels walking together one).

So then I was trying to figure out MORE letter A words, when I got stuck after Ant. So I did google "Letter A words" and got a pretty good list. Thank God for google! LOL!

This is how the rest of our Letter of the Week looks for A:

Weds: I have an appt and a lunch which makes detailed learning a little difficult. So we are working on the letter A on our body, Arms, Ankles, Armpits (yes, he likes talking about them so why not?) and anything else I can think of with A (kid friendly). What the body part does and why it's important. Science and the Letter A.

Thurs: Ants. We are going to paint ants with our thumbs and sing and dance to "The Ants go Marching" song. Then we can talk a little about what ants do. Maybe look at some. I hate to admit this but I have a little ant family that visits us in our dining room...lol. We can even look at different kinds of ants. Science and the letter A.

Friday: Homeschool group is not going on, so we are going on an Acorn Hunt....hiking at Pricketts fort and finding acorns. Gym, counting, and nature, AND the letter A. Yay. I'll add those acorns to his Fall Sensory Bin I'm working on. (the Sensory Bin is a neat clear bin with beans, fake fall leaves, acorns, etc....cups he can scoop with, we can make patterns out the the contents and count with them too. I got the idea from Megan as well).

*Saturday: A is for Airplane, one of Liam's favorite things. Will pretend we are airplanes and learn what airplanes do. Will probably color since I'll have the kids too.

*Sunday: A is for Astronaut. He's being an Astronaut for Halloween, so that's a cool thing to use for play. Also going to read our "On the Moon" book by Usborne, and will probably color.

Monday: A is for Apron. We will bake (if I can find) a low cal apple crisp dish. Lesson: A, counting, and baking.

Saturday and Sunday are still "iffy days". Traditional school doesn't operate on these days, but since Liam's schooling right now is basically play, I don't know if I really see an issue with it.

So A is definitely for more than just Apples....and I'm excited to start showing him that!

Until next time.....Christ Strong!

Strength

2011-09-21T10:30:00.000-04:00

I went to the doctor yesterday for a check up and proceeded to ask her about my health...mainly, my weight. With a sigh, she said, "well, we can talk about it next time you come, but yes, you are overweight. Nothing a lil' exercise and watching what you eat won't fix."

I left, feeling like a failure. Why? I knew I was overweight. Maybe hearing it from someone made it real. I was no longer in the denial phase of "well, I may be a little overweight...." Truth is I was a little overweight, and I had that mentality and then got more so overweight....to where now I look at myself and wonder, "Can I get back to where I want to be? Where I should be?"

How much so in our own lives (other than weight loss) can we have that attitude. "It's just a little conversation....not REALLY gossip...." that leads us to a situation where we don't need or want to be in. It's unhealthy, just like the overeating/not exercising mentality. When we downplay the things that we need to work on, sometimes we don't think we really have a problem, until a friend (or a doctor), looks at us and says, "You need to work on this. And the answer is really simple, don't do it." And if you are like me you can leave feeling so defeated and overwhelmed.

I left and came home to my unpacked house from vacation, laundry piles like mountain ranges, dirty dishes just yelling at me to wash them, and wondered, "If I can't even get this under control, how am I going to lose weight?" And despair washed over me as I basically did nothing.

Altho the word says in Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things thru Christ who gives me strength." Meaning whatever He has called me to do, I can do. My assignment right now is a stay at home mom and wife. So come on, dirty dishes and laundry.....let's do this! I have an issue with emotional eating and being lazy, and even when my body screams, I need to get it moving! Today I woke up, and before my feet hit the floor I remembered that verse, and told myself, "I'm going to have an awesome work out today!" And you know what, I DID! And it was a kick butt work out too....Yes, I even sweated! And I feel good. Like I can deal with the things to come. Like the laundry. And unpacking. And whatever else I need to do in my assignment God has given me.

We need to remember that we are anointed to do the thing God has entrusted us to do. I am anointed to be Troy, Danielle, and Liam's mom. I am anointed to be Adam's wife. I am anointed to take care of my household, bills, health of my family and myself....it's my job, and God has equipped me to handle all situations that may arise in dealing with them. I have the fruits of the Spirit: joy, patience, self control....because I have His Spirit inside of me! They may be as seeds but are growing as I practice them.

So what about you? What do you feel overwhelms you? Defeats you? A struggle with the flesh? A sin you just can't shake? Food? Exercise? Your role? Give it to God, all of it, and seek His strength to deal with it. He is strong and able and mighty, and will help us all if we just ask.

Until next time....Christ Strong!

Wisdom from a Book

2011-09-01T10:19:00.004-04:00

I just finished reading, "The Imperfect Homeschooler's Guide to Homeschooling" by Barbara Frank, and even if you aren't considering homeschooling, there is some wisdom in this book that anyone can take.

"Perfect Children" and "Perfect Parents" are oxymorons....It's like saying it's a definite possibility. We aren't ever going to be perfect....only One Person has ever been perfect, and altho we should live our best....when we hold ourselves up to that perfectionist standard, we will always be let down.
Parental Experts are EVERYWHERE....even those who have no children of their own. But I AM the expert when it comes to my children. I need to trust my judgement on discipline, teaching, rules....God ANOINTED me to be their mother.....HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING!!!
If you have ever heard the saying, "If it's going to be, it's up to ME!"....you may have felt like I do when I hear that saying, OVERWHELMED! What I read in this book is that it is NOT true! We may do things, like a planter sowing seeds. We sow seeds in our business, in our families, in our friendships, in our ministries....but if it bears good fruit, its' GOD's doing, NOT ours! God sends the rain and the sunshine to nourish the seeds, and makes the seeds sprout. So be faithful in sowing, and letting God do the rest!! When you truly grasp this.....all I can say is that you will experience freedom from the things you feel like you "should do" in this world.

Those are the main points that stick out to me (that don't relate to homeschooling directly). This is an awesome book that my friend Selena lent me (I'm so sorry it took me THIS long to read it!!! I'll get it back to you Friday!!) It is great if you are considering homeschooling OR are a homeschooling parent who needs a lil' encouragement.

Other than that, life is great. Adam is home from deployment. He's been on a mini vacation. It ends later this month....altho with one last hurrah to Gatlinburg with just him and I. We plan on taking the kids to Great Wolfe Lodge for a long weekend in the winter, to celebrate his homecoming with them, but after the LONG year we both had, we both need some time just with each other and no responsibilities.

Adam created our trikes (which are three wheeled bikes, and are recumbent, so they are low seated), and they are fun! I'm a lil' nervous to drive on the road with them, but I'll ride a rail trail once we get a trailer, or ride around my neighborhood (I HOPE my neighbors don't hit me!) Whereas last year a lot of people yelled obscenities at my husband for his bike commute, so far this time, the only "bad" comment was, "be careful you are gonna get hit!" More often, we get the "Cool bike", "Is that comfortable?" type of comments.

And I must say as a wife of a bike commuter, it is legal for them to ride on the road. I know we have the rail trails, and I definitely agree that leisurely bikers such as myself should ride on those....actually, it's more relaxing anyways and a much better view. But those who commute across town on their bikes, they need to ride on the road. In our town, there isn't a bike lane, and it's unsafe to hop from sidewalks (which end so abruptly) to road again. So please don't yell at the bikers. Yes, it can be annoying to behind a bicycle...but they are easy to pass, and most cyclists who commute wear reflective gear and have mirrors on their bikes, and should ride as far to the right of the lane as possible, so they practice safety as well.

This is my husband's trike....mine is similar but sits up a little bit higher and has a mesh seat. I love that we don't lose our balance on these, and it's such an easier bike ride than on our old upright bikes. Altho on recumbent bikes, you DO feel every bump in the road, which in WV, could be quite often! But many of our rail trails are paved, and so it's not so bad.

Our Family reunited once again....August 16, 2011. What a wonderful day! Troy, age 10 1/2, Danielle, 6, Liam, 3.

you can read more about bike safety (at least in our neck of the woods) at www.bikemorgantown.com

Ok, I know I went on two different topics here, but until next time......Christ Strong! :)

Normal

2011-08-24T21:22:00.000-04:00

Adam is home. Life if normal. Normal is nice.

I am challenging myself on several things. One, to do really well with this Thirty One Business. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and adds a fun-ness to my life...I can have my friends over and chat over coffee and bags, and get paid! I want to do well at this...for my family, and for myself. I have Proverbs 31:16-18 written on my binder I made for the business, "She goes to inspect a field and buys it, with her earnings she plants a vineyard. She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She makes sure her dealings are profitable and her lamp burns late into the night". I know ultimately my identity is in Christ...NOT in what I do, but I do believe He cares and WANTS me to be useful of my time, for my family, for Him....and so I'm excited to start another month with the company. Adam and I used part of my commission check to eat at a restaurant....and STILL have more to spend! Praise God!

Second, living healthier. Not counting calories cuz ya'll know I cant do that. I get too upset if I go over calories. I just want to watch what I eat...drink more water when I'm feeling hungry (cuz a lot of times it's that I'm thirsty), and exercise every day. Exercise is fun. Yesterday I hiked with Adam and today we took Liam for a neighborhood stroll. I'm looking for walking buddies if anyone is up for it, once Adam returns to work mid-september.

Third, I want to care about what God cares about....and not care about what He doesn't. I want His wisdom in every situation I'm in....in raising my kids, being a wife, dieting, business, being a friend....and many things I worry about He could care LESS about. Example 1 of many: Jean Shopping. Trying to find a pair of dark denim jeans to match this cute shirt I got on sale. I had a heck of a time. I'm dealing with baby weight still and a year deployment where I slacked off dieting and exercising near the end. I got angry. At myself, at the stores, at all the skinny mannequins....Poor Adam went shopping with me. I love that man. LOL. Truth is....God cares about my health. He cares about me feeling confident in who I am IN HIM. He could care LESS about if I have a pair of pants to match this cute shirt that fit just right. Now I know He loves me and blesses me and I DID find a pair of jeans (5 hours later). BUT, was it worth my energy getting upset? Angry? Feeling insecure? NO. Truth is I let lots of things that I should be indifferent about upset me. Upset me to the point of where it affects my day, my mood, my witness for Him. Why? Those things are temporary. I need to focus on what is eternal: Relationships. With God and People. I want to have more joy. By focusing on what "doesn't matter", I'm not gaining any more joy. So I seek God and what He cares about....my relationship with Him. My relationship with my husband, kids, friends, family.....how I show Him to the world. So that is probably my biggest challenge. But also the one I'm most excited about. Oh to not worry over every little thing anymore! It sounds so simple, but when your thought patterns have gone a certain way all of your life, it is hard to retrain! Thankfully, God gives us wisdom, and helps us to retrain our thoughts. Praise God all the more!!

Something that is sticking out to me....is this. Is Jesus a part of my life, or IN every part of my life? I will be successful if it's the latter. In business, in family, in weight loss, in overcoming my emotional roller coaster. He was in the jean shopping experience. He was there, whispering, "Maria, it really doesn't matter. Take a break and shop later. You will find what you need." He is here, whispering on what I need to do to best take care of my family, in every decision. He isn't just a box we check off after we pray and have a bible study. He's IN EVERY box we check off.....the laundry, the grocery store, the job, the fight...EVERYTHING.

Anyways, that was a tangent and yes again this is a blog that goes everywhere, but I must go.....until next time, Christ Strong!

Fun!

2011-08-09T08:30:00.000-04:00

I think because I married young and had children young, at times I feel like I missed something. I missed the "carefree young adult days". And for some reason that hangs over my head and I wallow in my pity party of the "what if's" and "why can't I do this or that?"

I was at a friends yesterday and I realized that I look at my children as a burden sometimes....and they are NOT. God says they are a gift from Him to me. His gifts aren't burdensome! So why do I look at them that way? Why do I think, "Oh because I have kids I can't go to this or that...." Maybe I can go, or maybe I can't, but either way I determine how much fun and happiness I get from my life.

I know this blog is all over the place, but it's a good blog, trust me. I learned a lot and can't just write it all down in coherent sentences yet. LOL.

Last night, I saw on Facebook (YES, I'm back on! Another story on that, but not going there now....) some of my friends go out and have fun. At first I had a tinge of jealousy....no one asked me and I couldn't of gone even if they did ask me. But then Troy had asked me for the 15th time to beyblade with him, Liam drug out the "bible memory cards" that we just got, and Danielle wanted snuggled. So I did all three. I learned that beyblading is kinda fun, it's not what I'd prefer to do on a Monday night, but it's fun to battle with my son with the spinning tops. And the memory game was pretty hard core with Danielle and Liam, altho Liam was content with his one match and played beyblades with Troy. And then we all watched iCarly on Netflix and ended the night on a good note.

Our impressions that we leave our children are our legacy. If they see Mom who is always bored, bumming, sad, looking online, yelling, stressed.....what is their perception of home life? What is their perception of adulthood even? or maybe they internalize it and think something is wrong with them? Maybe it is why kids think they have to be with friends to have fun and can't play that Wii game with their lil' sister.

And while it's fun to have some "mommy time" and hang out with the girls kid-free once in a while, it's also fun to be a kid WITH my kids and not always be the stressed out momma that they see day to day. Working on that one....pray for me friends. :)

Until Next Time......Christ Strong!! Next blog I write MAY have REUNION pics of Adam and I up at the armory....just sayin!!! ;)

What's New in August

2011-08-03T07:12:00.000-04:00

Hi Friends! Well, a lot is new in August. I started selling Thirty One. I promised my website and it is www.mythirtyone.com/mariacasto . I really am excited and am having my Kick Off party on Saturday! I'm excited to have some friends over for coffee and talk about girl stuff like bags and organization! I'm reminded of when I was little and whenever my step mom and I would go out I'd want a bag (from the Dollar Store or KMart). She'd always pick on me and call me a "bag lady". LOL. Now I'm selling them and they are MUCH cuter than Dollar Store or KMart! :)

It's August....which some of you know what that means. Of course I have to be careful what I post online, but soon....sometime very soon hopefully, but soon nonetheless, my husband will be returning home. I can't wait. It's been such a long year! (and not even a full year!) I've grown a lot, he's grown a lot, so I'm curious what life will be like when he's home again. Sometimes the worry sets in.....we've both been independent for a year.....but God reminds me that "He's got this". I need to trust Him more than I do sometimes, and I need to remember that He is SOOOO much bigger than I think He is!

I started doing this bible study with my amazing friend Andi, and the study is good for me. It's about Worry and Stress. LOL. Do ya'll think I need that?? Some things I've gleaned from this: (Andi, if you are reading....STOP and wait for our Skype convo!!!!)

Psalm 39:6, says, "We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing." I wonder how many of us (and myself!!!) keep ourselves busy....with GOOD things, but not resting in the Lord, which is the BEST thing? I don't mean being lazy....I mean overbooking ourselves, so much that everything we do is unfulfilling and exhausting. This verse really stuck out to me because I do that. I overbook myself all of the time. Then I feel bad and resentful. I want to have more of the quiet life. At times. I also still love my social life. :) ahh, the balance!
I KNOW this, but do I do this? Psalm 102:1 reminds us that we need to RUN to God when we feel overwhelmed. Do I do this? Instinctively? No, I fret and complain, worry, forget to eat, forget to do anything.....THEN I think, "What's wrong with me? I should pray!" LOL, and if I would of prayed from the get-go, I would of been in a much better position to deal with myself! Ha ha! So I pray now that prayer would be my instinct in ALL things, praise and stress.
A quote by Luci Swindoll that I read and love is this:, "For most of us our greatest fear is running out of time. So we hurry through life trying desperately to get everything done: working overtime, eating fast food, racing down the freeway. In our quest to save time, we're losing something."
Psalm 119:143 directs us to go to God's commands to find rest. I read that in the past and was like, "What??? Go to God's RULES, His 'DO NOT' List to find REST???" But last night God turned on the light. My rules with my kids are safe boundaries. They make them feel secure. Very much like God's commands....they "hem us in" and keep things in perspective. Ok God, I'm listening.... ;)
1 Thessalonians 4:11 suggests we have a quiet life, minding our own business and being productive. That's ALL we need. I try to think of the woman I want to be (when I grow up! ha ha!) I want to be the Proverbs 31 woman: I want to edify my husband and children, I want to be a good friend, I want to work hard at what I do, to be wise in my decisions, to have a godly confidence, not as the world sees, but as God sees me. I think both verses really correlate well with each other.

I guess that's it. Thanks for reading! Until next time.....Christ Strong!!! :)

Delays.....

2011-07-26T18:12:00.000-04:00

I received news that my long awaited package for the past year has been delayed a few more days. While I could go and be upset about this, (and HAVE been, TRUST ME!!!!), I know that God has a reason. A good friend told me to think about it when I was pregnant and just wanted the baby to come, but it wasn't time yet. Or when another friend in another phase of my life told me that Mr. Right was coming, but God was just "working behind the scenes" in my life and his, so we could be perfect together. And I"m so glad He did that. My husband and I are the perfect match for each other, and if my babies came out when I wanted them too, they may not be healthy. (they already WERE born early at 37 1/2 weeks each!!!)

So who am I to yell at God and have my temper tantrum cuz my husband is delayed? He'll be here. This is the military, everything changes daily. I need to praise God for the little things. Like HE IS COMING HOME SOON! NO MORE DEPLOYMENTS! (I guess those are pretty BIG things!) My children are all healthy, and we've all survived this year without any major mental breakdowns or illnesses. We've all grown stronger. So I didn't get my way this once. God is good. He is faithful. He's just "working behind the scenes" again....refining us like in the fire....

Still, how I dream about chasing him down in the airport for the last time ever.....
I imagine the kids' faces lighting up that daddy (and step-daddy) is home for GOOD....
and BOY I can't wait for this to be over!

Until next time....Christ Strong!

31

2011-07-24T09:20:00.000-04:00

So, I've been contemplating selling those 31 Bags....I'm sure you have seen them, they are cute purses, totes, lunch bags, etc...I have a few that I LOVE and whenever I use them I get compliments on them. The requirements seem easy and "no pressure", which I love. I guess my only fear is that I will fail. I've tried so many things and have not followed through. But I know that once starting them, that it wasn't my niche. I used to sell Mary Kay, altho from a girl who barely wears makeup and has no idea about skin care, it just seemed silly. Then I tried Usborne, which I love the books but I just know that wasn't the venue for me. Of course I pursued my photography, but, I'm sure if you are an artist you can agree, that it's hard to put a price tag on your own work. And it's hard to not want to just give something away. And I am my worst critic. Someone may not see that pixel that is off color but I can. And it's ok for a quick facebook photo, but for a piece of art, that makes or breaks if I want to put my name on it and sell it or not.

So the bag dilemma. I love the bags. I love the quality, the style, the testimony of the business. I love that it's a Christian company, that it is founded on Christian values. I love that my husband is supportive of me despite my "failures" in the past. I think I could really do this. Having a party is easy. And it seems my house is a revolving door at times, so how easy would it be to display some bags and get some comments?

It's weird when you have a home based business like this. It could be something that you work hard at, and make it very prosperous, or it could be something that you do as a hobby, to earn a few extra bucks (to buy more bags? hee hee hee), and to have a project. I have to analyze why I'm doing this. When I sold Mary Kay, it was as a full business, and altho I did well, it was exhausting and I wasn't enjoying myself. With Usborne I looked more to it as a hobby and didn't last very long. So I have to evaluate how much involvement I want in this: I think I want this as a hobby. Something to earn a few bucks. If I pay off my enrollment kit I'll be happy. If I do well and make a few spending bucks, I'll be really happy. And if I really go full force and do really well, I'll be proud of myself.

I don't want to be someone who is pushy, or someone who, whenever you see me, you hide because you fear I may try to sell you something. I'm not going to be that person. I will let you know what I have available, and if I have any sales going on. But if you say to me, "you know, I'm just not that interested in those bags," or whatever, I promise to not bother you. Because friendship is much more important to me than a hobby and extra money.

So I guess that's it. I guess I'm going to do it. I'm excited. It's something new. Since I'm kind of in isolation (it has been confirmed that Liam has a viral infection, probably "Hand Foot and Mouth"), I'm going to work on some "organization" for the business. I do better when I have a plan, a goal, written out....in a cute binder....you know, all the works. ;)

Thanks for reading! I'll post more info when I get it (like a website, my first party, etc.) PLEASE be honest with me and if you really don't want to come to anything, I will not be offended. It is true that I am a sensitive soul, but if you "speak the truth in love", I can receive it much better than if you hide from me when I come by!

Thanks for reading. Off to organize!

Until next time......Christ Strong!!

Just a quick note....

2011-07-23T06:50:00.000-04:00

To say that this unwritten tradition that began 2010 can end anytime now. The tradition that is that one of my children is sick on day one of Ohio visiting. It seems every visit I've had up here solo with my kids, we've brought the flu, strep, and now some kinda infection in liams mouth. Taking him to urgent care when it opens...he can't eat and will barely eat from the pain! Hibachi was a bust for him! (altho fun for us otherwise and yummy!) praying it's a simple fix so we can enjoy our retreat!!!

A Year Ago....

2011-07-21T08:09:00.000-04:00

I was told it would pass quickly....but their words I didn't believe.

I could not see beyond the cloud that hovered over me....I saw no end to the fog.

But each day ticked by...and as it did a little bit of light shone through.

I was so caught up in myself that I didn't see that light....it was there the whole time!

Shining it's heat, comforting my bones, reminding me of their words.....and of It's promises!

Now it is almost done....this trial that I've been on.

This test that I felt was impossible is finally at an end!

And it did pass quickly....and it was for good....

Strength draws out of the darkest places.

I thank my God, because without Him I could not endure.

I thank my God, because He made a dark situation full of light, for His Glory!

He has taught me WHO I am again....and my uniqueness....

My definition is not in what I do, who's family I'm in, or the confidence I struggle in....

It is in what He says I am!

He says I am beautiful. He says I have a purpose. He says I'm strong. He says I'm His daughter. He says I'm never alone. He says He loves me beyond my shortcomings. He says I'm lovely. He says I'm talented....that He has given me certain gifts to do His work. He says He LOVES to hear me sing. He says I'm a good mom, that if He didn't think I would be good for the job that He would of given it to someone else!He says my children and my husband are blessed to be in my family! He says I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. He says to quit looking at the blemishes on my skin and to see the beauty. He says I may have gained some pounds, but that beauty is deeper than what the man can see. He sees my heart and says, "Keep going girl". He says "I'll give you some water as you pass this last bend". He cheers me on in this journey. He says " rest is coming soon. Then as long as you are on this earth, another trial will come. But don't fear this....because I am with you! I will NEVER leave you or forsake you! "

AMEN!!!!

Until next time.....Christ Strong!

A Quiet Time.....

2011-07-20T08:23:00.001-04:00

First I want to tell my homeschooling friends that I found a great lil' First Grade Book at the Dollar Store to prepare kids for first grade. It's not a homeschool curriculum, but I WILL brag that Danielle just did a fractions sheet!! I'm still thinking that Maybe, just Maybe I can do this homeschooling thing with Liam. :) He's so teachable anyways.

I'm off of Facebook, probably for good. So is my husband. It's crazy how a simple thing as a website that is not a good or bad thing in itself can become bad for someone. It's especially hard when the problem is only with you (well, me), and not with my friends. But I"m finding that life is simpler now for me, and that i'm not isolated like the lies in my head told me I would be. Which is very reassuring.

I had some quiet time and God really spoke to me about something. Many of you know, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I have struggled with anxiety and depression for some time. Not just in this deployment but in my life. And so with the help of my doctor we are trying to find a solution, whether medicinal or herbal, counseling or behavior changes, and I'm just praying through this process. I believe my doctor is a Christian, which helps because a LOT of why I struggle is thought processes and junk I've carried on since childhood, and I'm hoping that any Christian doctor would pray over their patients, that they would have God's wisdom in treatment.

So the other day I was really on edge, because I had just changed my meds AGAIN, and I snapped at the kids for something that required discipline but not to the extent that I took it. (No, it wasn't abuse....just yelling, ALOT of yelling). Troy had wanted a drink and Danielle was working to pour him a drink which was sweet, but the pitcher was full and it had spilled everywhere. The only thing I had to do really was to tell Danielle, "Next time you see the pitcher is full come and tell Mom and I'll help you." But I yelled. At her for continuing to do it and for Troy for not doing it himself.

Selena, if you are reading this.....EMAIL me that awesome bible verse you have in your homeschooling room about the gentle answer and helps kids.....I don't remember it at all but I NEED to remember it!!! Ha ha! If you don't know at all what I'm referring to I'll call you in a few days and maybe we can find it together. I think it was in a notebook or something that you showed me. Thanks!

I knew I had to have some quiet time, so I hopped upstairs and took a bath, telling the kids to watch a show, and put on my Cademons Call CD. I love them because they are so chill and quiet time perfect. This song ALWAYS comes on when I retreat to the bath and listen to them, called Danny. It's basically a story about a man who is wanting a wife and feels alone, but knows he is NOT alone because God is with him. and I cried a lot. Then this lyric came on which highlighted in my heart,

"You knew this day even before You made me out of dirt....."

God KNEW I'd overrreact that day. He KNEW I'd have anxiety. He KNEW I'd mess up as a mom!!! And He still made me. He still loves me and even likes me. I am tearing up even as I write this. God is awesome in His love for us. Sometimes we take it for granted (or I do), or generalize it to the Cross, but the Cross is so much deeper than we think of it sometimes. God is showing me that I would look at the Cross as God did something for me for a future event (so I can go to heaven), but in reality, in addition to that, He did it for me NOW. He DOESN'T just love me in my "perfected state" when I am in heaven....but in my "imperfect state" now....when I'm tired, anxious, doubting, yelling, overreacting, lazy.....sinning. God's love is amazing and I invite you to truly bask in that love as I'm hoping to do.

Until next time.....Christ Strong!

Clean House

2011-07-18T10:44:00.000-04:00

I for some reason, found a bunch of cleaning and organizational books at yard sales and am basking in their knowledge, even tho I'm a pretty good organizer. I'm only on page 36 of the book, but here is what I've gleaned so far from my first cleaning read, "The One Minute Cleaner, Plain and Simple" by Donna Smallin.

If you are a perfectionist who doesn't have a lot of time to clean, start with a fully clean house (take a day and just CLEAN it) and then do a little each day....to upkeep it. Altho daily make beds, dishes, etc.
If you daily make your beds and tidy up a lil, you will feel a lot more accomplished. I actually have this "Sleep" spray from Bath and Body (aromatherapy) and I started spritzing my sheets with it. It just refreshes them and when i pull back my comforter I'll be welcomed by sleepy scents.
We can make "green" cleaners, a lot of you already know these BUT in case you don't, vinegar is a great cleaner mixed with water....when you add a lil' lemon juice to it it is a good degreaser AND a better scent then just vinegar alone. Baking Soda is great for scrubbing tubs, toilets, and sinks.
A cleaning tip for us who feel "too busy" to clean: set a timer in the morning and in the evening for 10 minutes each. Use that ten minutes to clean....whether it is kitchen, vacuum, sweeping floors. Today I did my kitchen....I had my cup of coffee and emptyed my dishwasher, reloaded, and swept. Then I washed my hand washables, and sprayed the sink and counters down with Spic and Span. The whole process took maybe 20 minutes, but it wasn't too bad and now when I go in the kitchen i'm not overwhelmed by my mess from last night.
To disinfect cleaning rags: 1. Place damp rags and sponges in microwave and cook on high for one minute. 2. Soak in a solution of 1 Cup Bleach to 1 Gallon of water for 5 minutes, rinse and hang dry. 3. Machine wash HOT. 4. (my favorite) Wash in a basket in your dishwasher. I never thought of that, but yeah, it could work!
Disinfectants KILL germs, so it's good when cleaning to use a spray that has a disinfectant in it. I used to use bleach a lot for this, but this book says bleach has a shelf life of 3-6 months. If you don't use it within that time, it won't be as effective. Tho cheap, I won't use it that much....unless I get a smaller bottle. :)
Once a month, plan to do a thorough cleaning of one room....say a bedroom, you could wash windows, wash linens and curtains, organize, delutter....etc. Next month do a different room. When you have done all rooms in your house, start at the first room again.
Using glycerin soap while showering could cut down on soap scum. I always use what is cheapest, but I'm gonna check this out. :)
Simple things, like a "no shoe rule" could really help keep dirt traffic down....keep dusting down, keep vacuuming and sweeping down=less cleaning work.

If you are like me, you need a list of what you need to do daily. My list looks like this:

1.Make Beds (kids make their own beds)
2. Empty Wastebaskets into main one (Liam's chore)
3. Round up dirty laundry. (we have a laundry basket in each room and then our main baskets are in the bathroom).
4. Wipe down bathroom sinks in morning before leaving bathroom.
5. Sweep hard floors
6. Vacuum living room (depending on how many kids are here on a day, I may skip a day).
7. Clean kitchen counters and table.
8. Dishes
9. Pick up clutter before bed. (good for that 10 minute timer?)
10. Do something laundry related....start a load, dry a load, put it away.

The chores I absolutely hate I need to do first thing, like dishwasher chores, and that is what made it so good to do with my timer. It's done, it's not overwhelming, and then I can get on with my day. I also delegate more to my kids. I never did that but I needed to. Every day they have to be responsible to make their beds, keep their rooms clean, and put their clothes away. Then they also have a chore I pay them for. Just one extra chore per day...like today, Troy takes the trash to the curb.(daily he emptys the kitchen trash and danielle replaces the bag) Danielle cleans the TVs, Liam gathers the trash. On Tuesdays, Troy cleans the mirrors, Danielle is OFF, and Liam feather dusts downstairs. Weds. Troy cleans shower walls and tub, cleans one toilet. Danielle cleans a toilet. Liam feather dusts upstairs. Thursdays, Troy Wet Swiffers kitchen/dining room, Danielle does Bathroom Floors, and Liam Wipes down appliances. Fridays: Troy is OFF, Danielle cleans light switches and door handles, and Liam gathers the laundry from all the bedrooms and helps me sort. Troy also helps me bathe Liam, which isn't really a "weekly only chore", but it helps me out tremendously. He has more chores but makes the most allowance.

It's little stuff that may take ten minutes a day to do, but makes them responsible for the house, teaches them that if they don't work, they don't get paid, and the value of a dollar. From their pay, they tithe to church as well. Liam's tithe is tiny, but I'm excited that I'm instilling in them a moral lesson that all we have comes from God.

I'm getting there. I'm a perfectionist but I'm learning that in housecleaning with kids, you CAN'T be perfect. Right now my kitchen and dining area look beautiful, but lets not look in my living room, ok? ;) I'm getting there. It's a work in progress. and I think the biggest lesson i'm learning is that each of my kids has their own unique cleaning style and it may not be how I would of done it, and it may not be 100% to my standards, but it's ok....it's clean....we won't have bugs....we won't have rats....it will all be ok. And it helps me rest a little as well.

Well, i'm off. Starting to go to my friend's homemaker co-op and I will be sure to fill ya'll in. Or if you are local to fairmont, I can see if she minds if you hop along with me sometime. i'm sure she wouldn't, as we all learn from eachother.

Adam's Overseas Roommate ends all of his emails to his wife with the phrase, "Christ Strong"....and I think that is so important for me in my life....so I'm going to "steal" that for my blogs.....

So until next time....Christ Strong!!!

hello!

2011-06-24T08:53:00.000-04:00

Sorry I haven't kept up on my blog, nor have I kept up on reading blogs....its been a crazy busy time. We've been remodeling our kitchen....it's looking nice. We are going to put up a drop ceiling soon and maybe even look at flooring options....it will be nice to have another room in the house newly updated.

I've also been trying to downsize my screen time. It seems I can get so distracted with facebook, blogs, email, skype....that I neglect the things that I need to do around the house. Or even just doing nothing. I was praying one day and God showed me one word: boundaries. I need to have them in all areas of my life. Friends. Kids. Housework. Screen Time. If I let one area get out of boundary, all of the areas fail. It's hard because I'm a people pleaser, but I'm learning too that true friendships, true relationships, don't stress and understand if I need the time for something else. And also, as I give each area time, like with my kids, if I decide afterward to spend time elsewhere, like housework, they don't fight as much for my attention, and may even HELP!

The other day my beautiful friend who teaches in China came by and surprised me. She is an awesome woman of God and I really enjoyed our coffee time together. Altho I looked horrendous, it was nice to see her face on this side of the world again, and not just in my computer screen. ;)

Adam will be stateside in 38 days. It's amazing how fast it went. People told me it would go by fast, but when you look at the days in the beginning it seems impossible. I'm amazed at where the time went. It's still hard. I still miss him and parenting is still harder without him. I have awesome people in my life who have helped me through tho. You know who you are. Those who I've called with my moments....those who got me OUT of the house when I didn't want to leave or let go of that jar of Nutella....those who prayed for me and got me into the Word....I love you all and pray double blessings over your lives.

Tonight is "Re:Focus", a young adult retreat at my church. I'm excited because I never go to these things. Usually it is too costly with babysitting and registrations. But the fee was affordable, only $25, and my father in law is keeping Liam overnight. I'm excited to hear what God will say to me, and to have the time child-free. one thing I know tho, is that you don't HAVE to go to a retreat to hear from God. You don't have to hear the biggest speakers. You can hear from Him in your kitchen as you are doing dishes, in your living room as Dora plays from your TV....so I want to encourage all of my friends, especially ones in the Momma Boat with me. I used to get sooo frustrated that I couldn't go to all the retreats I was offered. But God has a relationship with me, and meets me where I am at....how cool is that???

Anyways, the day is dawning and I must get on with work. Just wanted to let ya'll know I was still out there. Thanks for reading! :)

R&R MIA

2011-04-07T09:56:00.000-04:00

So Adam just came in for R&R, and since I was MIA I thought I'd fill you in on our weeks together. First, we hung around the house. Ate dinner out, went to the new park of the new interchange. It was a LOT of fun! Adam thought so too!

Liam waiting at the airport for Daddy.

I LOVE that we can have fun no matter where we are. We were driving to Canaan and stopped here to look around!

Me sitting in the pew of the smallest church in 48 states

us and our good friend Justin, who generously gave us his pimped out seats at the Jars of Clay concert. I took LOTS of pix (that I won't upload here for paparrazzi purposes), but know that it was an awesome concert. Thanks Justin!! You are awesome!!

While he was in, a major sandstorm hit Kuwait.....

So, we took the kids to the Carnegie Science Center. Awesome Military Discount!!!

YES, Liam was on a leash! Don't judge me until you go there sometime with an almost 3 year old! It's INSANE!!!

The kids LOVED the Robot exhibit the best!

When we went to Canaan, this was right next to our B&B. Adam was so psyched.

Until we learned, like many of the shoppes there this time of year, that they were closed.

Where we stayed.....

Adam felt out of place in his civvies....

Adam and I at blackwater falls.

Other fun things we did this R&R: hung out with family and friends, got rid of cable, (saving us $75/month), watched Season 1 of 30 Rock (HILARIOUS!!!) and lived life like he didn't have to go back. Altho he did have to go back, but we are encouraged that this is the last leg of the deployment, and are looking fondly to the fall.

I love you baby and had an awesome time as always with you. See you soon!!!

Cleaning House

2011-03-13T19:30:00.000-04:00

Today marks Daylight Savings time, and what a day it has been. Good....sad....but the sad is really for the good. Where do I begin? Well, I've decided to become a member at the church I've been attending for a lil' while. I took the class about the church, and when I stood onstage today, I had tears in my eyes, for this is where God wanted me. It was an overwhelming feeling. Good overwhelming. It was a struggle that I've battled with for almost two years now...I love the people at my last church and the church, but didn't feel like it was where I was to be. I tried to shove that down because I didn't want to lose the friendships established there (and I really LOVE the worship music there!!). I realize now that we are family, whether we attend this church or that, we are followers of Jesus and we will always be friends. So that makes me happy. I may need reminded to call...since I'm not the best phone friend, but if I don't call please don't take it personally, I just forget. :)

The church I'm in now is a healing church. We deal with the emotional junk, cleaning house so that we can be stronger in the Lord...better disciples for Him. I'm excited because I'm finally going to deal with my junk. It's already coming out and I'm growing up in areas where I'd been stubborn for so long! Like forgiveness! AH! But that is another blog...

I'm cleaning house physically as well. My house. It's a mess and smells like dog urine. I've been stressed for so long...a big part of that stress was Rocky. I love my dog, but I know that I can't be the person that I need to be with him. He's a good dog in that he is loving and sweet...but he is stubborn in areas as well. Like urinating in the house, or chewing up pens, pencils, books, toys, crayons, pretty much anything. Tearing up the floor. Snatching kids' food, even from babies. Last week I was physically exhausted from chasing him all day. My friend Melissa took him and her three boys. They love him. And best thing is that her boys and my kids are friends, so they can see him at any time. So this week, the week before Adam comes home for R&R, I'm going to clean my house. Open the windows (maybe) and steam clean the floor. Throw out the junk. Give away the stuff I can't wear anymore. Dust.

Sometimes I think that if we clean up our house (spiritually), we can be blessed. Not that we do to get, but how can God bless us if we are holding onto things...like unforgiveness, bitterness, greed, sexual sins, etc.? There is no room for His blessings because we are hoarding this "junk". In a practical sense, I look in my closet. I have a bunch of clothes I could wear MAYBE someday....Maybe. What if I got rid of those? Well, that fear sets in....what will I wear? Doesn't the Bible say that He takes care of that need, and that we will even be dressed "well"? (Matthew 6) So what am I afraid of?

Seriously tho, when it comes to clothes...I hold onto them because I WANT to get to that size...altho realistically I'm NOT there. My body has been stretched out four times....lol, it will probably NEVER get exactly that way again! (I was 100 lbs in high school....ahh the days! Altho now I'd settle for 115!) I want to be at the place where I'm comfortable in my own skin. Where i can look at myself and see myself as my husband sees me...as God sees me too.

Or maybe I should just throw out all of my clothes and go on a shopping spree!!!

Anyways, thanks for reading. I know that this blog is everywhere, but that is where I am right now. And honey, if you are reading this, it won't let you comment cuz you don't have a google account (well, you DO, it is your sign in for your gmail email. Do you remember it?). If not, you can let me know how inspiring I am in an email! ROFL!!!!

Tea Time with Iron Man

2011-02-21T18:20:00.000-05:00

Today is Presidents Day, and if you are like me....the kids were home ALL day, driving you batty!! I don't remember my siblings and I fighting like Troy and Danielle fight. I'm sure we did fight, but we kinda did our own things. Altho my dad would beg to differ I'm sure!

So today, admist the bickering....we cleaned up. The kids cleaned their rooms and donated a lot of things. And later, when I went up to run the vacuum, I noticed the cutest sight. In Danielle's Dora dollhouse, was Iron Man with the blueberry girl from Strawberry Shortcake, and they were hanging out near a pan of muffins.

I guess my kids love eachother after all.

I get by with a lil' help from my friends.....

2011-02-05T15:38:00.001-05:00

It's been a while since I blogged, well, at least for me. This is what's new:

1. I called my friend Melissa to help me drill holes in my cabinets so I could affix knobs on them...well, a week later and my kitchen is done over! (almost, waiting on a few last minute touches). We rehung the trim (that fell when the contractor we hired had put it up), got some coffee decor, painted the trim and the adjoining laundry room, made curtains, rearranged the stuff in the cabinets and countertops....now just waiting on a shelf and the last of the decor....we may even do the floor altho that frightens me a little....luckily I have handy friends! I've decided periodically to do one room at a time...just take it and do what I can with it. This renno cost about $100...that's everything...nails, hardware, wood, decor....I think if I can save my spending money up and do that from time to time that would be a good way for me to use my time while Adam is away.

2. We are nearing the halfway mark on the deployment. It's a scary place because it's like I am in the tunnel....and I can't see the light behind me, and I can't see the light at the end of it. I'm reminded of the movie, "Finding Nemo" when Dory says, "Just Keep Swimming...Just Keep Swimming...." when she reaches the dark area of the ocean. And so that is what I'm doing...and adam too and my other military friends. it is hard sometimes. We get stressed and frustrated. Sometimes phone calls come at bad times, and I have to remember not to take my stress out on him. Because I'm genuinely happy to get a call, I just sometimes get it at the wrong time for me. But it's all a trial. I'm so glad I have such an awesome hubby. Our love is so strong and I just know that thru this trial our testimony will be great!

3. We filed our taxes. I'm excited to say that we actually can pay off my student loan! It wasn't much...but it just hung over my head every month. I've been paying on it for 12 years now, and of course I'm doing nothing with it (well, I didn't finish...sooo...) it feels good to finally make the final payment and be done with it.

4. I'll admit I've been a lil' stressed. Partially because I don't call on my friends enough for help. I don't want to ever inconvenience anyone. altho....when someone calls on me, if I can't talk....I just don't answer. I call back when I can....if I remember! I dont' get upset or huffy....so why would I think that of them? I need to stop that. I need to just call them. They are my friends and love me and I know this in my head but in my heart I'm so afraid to offend.

Anyways, I guess that is all that is new with me. Thanks for the read and I'll keep you posted next month when I'll have all sorts of adventures because that is when my hubby will be home for a time!! ;) Can't WAIT!!!

A Fleshy Battle

2011-01-23T07:59:00.000-05:00

I often wonder how gratifying it would be, to see those people that have hurt me....who have mistreated me....for them to see me now, joyful, successful, confident. I often wonder if it would be gratifying. I had the opportunity to run into someone yesterday that really hurt me, and offended me....but I chose not to go to the event that they were at. I didn't know that they were there...the decision was purely based on other things. I wonder if my choosing to not go was actually God's provision. I wonder how I would of handled it if I were really in the situation.

I am reminded of that verse (SOMEWHERE in the Bible...), "Vengance is Mine, saith the Lord. I will repay". How often I want to repay! I want to show people up and show them that altho they hurt me, that I am not knocked down. But that isn't letting God repay. That is my own futile attempts at fighting back, which are useless. Altho I KNOW this, it is a daily battle I struggle with. Altho I KNOW God's vengance is better than mine, I want to use mine. Altho I KNOW I should be praying for those who have offended me, I scheme in how I can make them feel as they made me feel.

That's just the "ugly" of me. I'm glad God protected me from it yesterday. I'm going to work on praying for them.

Working Out

2011-01-19T11:43:00.000-05:00

I'm amazed at how easy one can work out with a kid. I guess that has always been my excuse, that it is hard to work out because I'm always with the kids. But it can be easy. You just have to be creative.

Leg lifts with a kid on them can really work your legs, plus your child will LOVE it. A friend told me you can do squats and have the kids run thru, leg lifts, arm circles, twists for your abs. Just make it fun. With this kind of exercise too, there is no "stress" if you have to stop and change a diaper, or grab a sippy cup.

I think that was my biggest frustration. I'd pop in a DVD, or put my dance mat on the floor, get a good sweat, and then, someone would need something. And I was so engrossed in my workout that I couldn't stand stopping and lowering my heartrate just so I could take care of what needed done. Ugh! Frustrations!

Today my friend and I walked the mall. We have a mall in town that is very slow....a lot of people walk it. So we round up our kids and begin to walk....The kids run around (there is an area that is less busy than the rest) and we get a workout in. Here is her son and my son making "snow angels" on the floor!! (no worries, bath time is coming!!!)

I also have some great Wii games I can work out with....My Dance Dance Revolution and my Wii Fit Plus is currently on hold until Liam is a little bit older...(he likes to hop on the balance board and pad while I'm on it), but I have "Your Shape", which uses a camera to track your movements, and "Just Dance 1&2" which you hold the Wii Mote in your hand. So the kids can "play" along with me but not ruin my workout. Hurray for technology!

Anyways, that's it. I'm hoping to lose 20 lbs by April! Wish me luck!!

What's New and Tidbits that God is showing me....

2011-01-14T12:34:00.000-05:00

I'll start with what's new. Troy just turned 10. Ten!! It's insane! I've actually been a mom for much longer. Wow, I'm old. LOL! Pretty soon he will be taller than I am! LOL!

Joy just came in for a visit and just left. We had a good time and even went shopping with Mom Cookie...it was really nice. I do miss her and am working on another "resolution"....to be a better phone friend. I get on social networking alot online but sometimes I just need to hear voices. So I'm working on that.

Danielle is starting to read on her own...she enjoys trying to sound out words. I love it. It's exciting that she is excited about reading. Troy is still in basketball, ONE month to go! I love that he enjoys it and its good for him, but it IS a commitment...I'm thankful Denise has been helping me out getting him to games.

So, what's God been showing me: well.... a few things. One, He LOVES me. or let me re-capitalize this....He loves ME! He sees me as I am all the time...and I came to a few realizations:

1. If the God of the universe loves me...then who am I to think anything less (of myself)?
2. I may feel inadequate at times, I may feel stupid at times....but it doesn't mean I am! I'm put where I am for a purpose, and if God thinks I can handle it (with His help), then I can!
3. I have the power to curse or bless. this always made me feel "spooky"....it all seemed very spiritual and hokey....but I was watching Joyce Meyer's message, "The Power of Words", and she used several different scripture, but one she used was Deuteronomy 28:1-13....summed up, IF I obey God, THEN, He will bless: my town, my field (job), my kids, my food, my animals, THEIR babies, whereever I go and whatever I do...HE WILL: conquer my enemies, bless what I do and my food supply, provide the rain when I need it, financially provide, and (this is especially encouraging when I'm feeling stupid...vs. 13), I will be the head and not the tail, and I will always be on top and never on bottom.

I get nervous about "naming and claiming" but I realized something....It's IN GOD'S WORD! If it's in His word, then it is His WILL, which speaking it out over my life is not being presumptious or vain. It is an act of faith. What I mean is that if Deuteronomy 28:1-13 says these things, and if I'm obeying God, then I can boldly say, "I thank you God, that you have blessed my children, that you have blessed my food, that you have blessed my going in and going out of this day....that I am the head and not the tail, because I am obeying you and following you." Wow, how freeing! I don't have to carry all of these burdens. I can boldly proclaim, even if I don't feel it, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, because GOD said that! I can boldly thank God for His provisions, even if I can't see them, because He said He would provide! I feel like my eyes are opened. Now that isn't to say that I can boldy proclaim that God will give me a million dollars, because He isn't a genie, and that isn't stated in His word...but He will supply all of our needs, because it says so in His word. And it doesn't mean that we won't ever go through a hard time, but I can thank Him because I can "cast all my cares upon Him, because He cares for me!"

Ok, I'm done with that now...I'm just so excited. My own fears of what I thought "speaking the truth out" was keeping me so boxed in. But I'm remembering "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom!!" and I'm hanging on that truth as He is teaching me so much during this season in my life...this season where I "could and sometimes do" feel so alone....but He cares for me and reaches out. Praise God!!!

Don't Leave Me!

2011-01-03T14:58:00.000-05:00

I took Rocky to his checkup at the vet and it's becoming more evident that he has separation anxiety. He has a mild anxiety all the time, and lately it's been severe. LOL. Poor puppy. They recommended a behavior therapist. I may check online first. I'm going to try some new techniques here, which include walking him on nice days, playing more catch with him, especially just before we leave. He doesn't always act out when we leave tho, he does the majority of his damage when we are home. So I think it may be a boredom issue as well. He's such a snuggly chill dog that I forget to run him around sometimes! Oh well, in all other health he is good...so I'm blessed!

Christmas is over and we are back into a normal routine. Despite flat tires and stomach flus, then coughing so much that my abs hurt and I lost my voice....it was a nice Christmas. Definitely an odd one, but nice. I'm blessed that I could talk to Adam on skype. How people handled deployment years ago I don't know. It's hard to imagine having to wait weeks upon weeks for a letter or a phone call! I'm thankful that I have the priviledge to talk to him on a very regular basis. Still the months go on and I look ahead to our "Marchcapade"....We finally figured out what to do...we are going to Canaan Valley. Photo hunt, strolling, low key but romantic. Perfect for us. I'm excited. The kids we will probably take to Stonewall and pack games and just camp out in a nice room, junk food, and board games. And the indoor pool/hot tub. How could I forget that!?

New years Resolutions: I don't know. Thinking it over....definitely want to work out some and eat healthy...not be fanatical, but to trim up and have more energy. Save money....pay off my student loan! (Which I plan to next month!) Travel. I have a dear friend in NC and Joy in MD who I am dying to see again. Sing. Not only for the Lord, but for my husband. I sang for him a few days ago, despite my crackly voice (which was working on returning from my coughing week), he loved it. So I will sing more. No matter how shy I feel. Lastly I am going to really absorb and really train myself to recieve God's love. I have a head knowledge of such love but it is hard to grasp. and my mentality as a "doer" always feels like I have to do something to earn love. It is hard to accept love that is freely given, especially when I am less than lovely. So I'm going to meditate and chew on scripture that really shows me of His love. (I know the whole Bible is about His love, but I'm going to narrow it to some powerful passages). I would love to memorize Scripture too, and I think Adam and I are going to work on that discipline together, tho 6500 miles apart. Which is exciting!

Well, I guess that is my quick update. I'm off to get kids...cook dinner....run to scouts....bathe kids....story time....ah, you know...LIFE!

Thanks for reading!

Sweet memories

2010-12-23T16:24:00.000-05:00

Tonight I'm not using my dishwasher but using my sink to wash my dishes because I don't want to leave them in the dishwasher for four days and I don't want to run a half load. So I'm washing by hand. And I'm reminded of sweet memories when my sink is full and sudsy...of playing DDR until 2 AM with some crazy Chi Alphians, and Adam staying behind and helping me clean up. We always did the dishes together. Those are some of my best memories. I was SOOO tired. I usually had to work the next morning at 9....but I sure did have fun!

Tomorrow we head home to see my folks. I don't want to be home in an empty house. And altho I know I'm welcome with Adam's parents and would have a great time, I need to head home anyways and it will help me avoid the "Christmas Morning as a Single Parent". I want to share the experience with my family. Adam will be on Skype and Santa is coming a day early, because he knows we have to work around Adam's time difference. And altho I'm thankful for skype...it is sketchy at times and we have to move slowly so we can see eachother clearly. So I'm wondering how that will pan out with excited children.

I'm excited to see my family...but I always go into "spazzy mode" the day before I travel. I have to load the car. I have to clean the house. I have to wash the clothes...the dishes...I have to pack up last minute things. Make snacks.

So today, admist all of that, I got this freezer that I bought. It's GINORMOUS! Oh gosh what was I thinking? That they could fit it in the basement? hmmmm....maybe if this house wasn't built in 1905 and wasn't blessed with small doors! So it's in my dining room. Oh boy. It's white and stands out really bad. I had no idea it was as big as it was. LOL. Oh well. Maybe I'll get a nice cloth to put over it! Then I can use it as a buffet or an extra table when I have guests!

Someone told me that if my problem is that I have a ginormous freezer and food to put in it, then is that really a problem? No, it's not. I am so thankful that I can store food in there. Make less trips to the store. That my family is provided for, and that I can bless others sometimes.

I'm also in spazzy mode because it's Christmas. I'm worried that no one will like my gifts. I'm thrifty, so I wonder if that equals cheap. I need my voice of reason here. I miss my honey. :( We are traveling with some of his things. The journal he sent me. The kids are bringing their necklaces. The letters he sent us. (he wrote each of us a lil' letter). The Bossy Bear book and Night Before Christmas book he made, and his teeshirt. I'd much rather bring him instead, but I'm thankful for all of these little reminders of his love.

I'm in Ohio now. Had two flats (well, i was down to ten lbs.) on my back tires. Filled them up and came in.Then we got here and Danielle was sick. Ugh. But we are here safe and sound, and D is better. I'm thankful for the small things. Merry Christmas everyone!

about the post i deleted....

2010-12-16T10:22:00.000-05:00

I deleted the last post because it didn't convey what I wanted to convey. It was full of emotion but not right how I wanted to say things. So basically, this is how I wanted to say things...

It's been three months. It's been a hard three months, this month being particularly hard because of the cold and snow and holidays. I have great friends who even when they can't call me because they are busy, pray for me and think of me I'm sure. And I'm not always the best phone friend and I need to work on that as well.

When it comes to a spiritual sense....I need community. I have a lot of friends and people I care for and who care for me. I have ministries and things that God is using me in in helping people around me, and I believe He has given my husband and myself a fresh vision of what we need to do next. But, what I meant to say is, I need to see people and have them see me. I need to not be so busy in my own agenda and my own problems that I can look at someone who enters a church building and truly see them...truly hug them...and not live in my own cluttered calendar. It's like that song by Casting Crowns, "If we are the Body", and it's true. If we are the Body of Christ, then we (I) have to get past myself and be fully sensitive to what He shows me. That involves prayer. That involves sacrifice. That involves compassion.

I think sometimes we (I) get so wrapped up in our circumstances, in our families, our to do lists, that we (I) forget that there is a hurting world out there. We need to acknowledge our sufferings, yes, pour them out to God, and FILL UP with His Spirit, so we can go and minister to the needs of others. If we are empty, then we can't offer anyone else what they need.

I do have my moments where I have my lil' pity party. I do have my moments where I overeat and coop up and am sad. And this weekend was especially hard because Liam has been sick and I have been sick, and with it being so close to Christmas I am choosing to stay in to keep my germs from spreading. But I can honestly say that I have gotten stronger through this. I am not defeated by my circumstances by any means. Adam and I are looking at this as a testimony of God's goodness and of how strong our love is...and when the lonliness sets in and our hearts are sad, that is what we look towards. We are still and always have looked at our circumstances and our lives as a ministry.

God has a really big plan He's working on in me. I only see it in part, but it involves singing....lots of singing. It involves being free in the Spirit, and it involves wisdom in continuing the search for the things of God. I'm excited as I'm going on this journey with my husband, tho he be 6500 miles away. Our hearts are bound together in marriage and in prayer.

Sometimes we get so busy that we miss it. We miss what God wants us to do. We are doing alot of good things but we aren't doing what God has called us to do. For the past few months I've dropped everything. I've not done anything that I didn't feel led to do, that even includes saying No to a ministry and position that I really wanted, but knew that it wasn't where God wanted to use me. It was hard. I like titles and I like doing important stuff. And to some it may seem like I'm not doing much. But I am! And because I've stopped doing the good works that I wasn't called to do, and freed up my calendar... God has given me a fresh vision on what He wants me to do! Praise God!

Creative and Meaningful Christmas Ideas

2010-12-09T10:04:00.000-05:00

All of these are from "Family Fun Dec 2010" issue: I just thought they were so cool.

1. Gift Baxes: Take a cereal box, cut the top flaps off. Wrap the box as you would a gift, leaving about two inches of wrapping paper at the top to fold over the cut area. Hole punch two holes in the two larger sides and tie ribbon thru...now you have a sturdy gift bag!!

2. Get a cheap tree from the dollar store for each of your kids rooms. (either fiber optic or put lights on them...fiber optics run $12, unlighted $5 and a strand of lights is $2). Make homemade ornaments or let the kids decorate it anyway they want. It's a great nightlight as well as a fun decoration!

3. Good Deed Jars: get a big jar and in November fill it with slips that you write down good deeds on: holding the door for someone, getting someone's breakfast, taking the trash out, say a kind word, etc. Then get a pretty box (or "gift bax!") and in December each person picks a good deed, does it, and then puts in in the box. On Christmas Eve, put it under the tree as a gift to Santa (or my own favorite, Jesus!)

4. Christmas Eve Game Night: On Christmas eve, let the kids open ONE present for the family (and it will be a new board game!) Then get your jammies on, and play around the tree with hot cocoa and Christmas music!!

5. Toy Give Away Day: I already do this, but they had a new spin on it. Go thru your kid's toys with them, and then instead of dropping them off to Goodwill, take them to the homeless shelter or to an orphanage. Or you can even wrap up the nice ones and give them to a family in need.

6. Elf Someone: Select a family and for the 12 days of Christmas, each evening, leave a present on their doorstep. This can be homemade coupons for yard work, movie tickets, gift baskets, Christmas ornaments, etc. On each day, put a note on their, but don't reveal your identity. On Christmas Eve, reveal yourself and give them a plate of cookies or something!

7: Gingerbread house building contest

8: Give to an organization of people and/or kids less fortunate. If the kids get Christmas money, take a portion of that and give it to the organization. This will teach the kids about how blessed we really are, and how just a little portion really can bring joy to another's eyes...(who doesn't have Nintendo DS's or Wii's or TV's or Computers....). We adopt two little kids through Compassion International...and my kids are amazed that they are so excited to get clothes and shoes as Christmas gifts, and only have a few (literally!!) of toys to play with. (and none are electronic!!)

Baby, it's COLD outside!! Well for SOME of us it is!!

2010-12-06T21:08:00.000-05:00

Snow Day! I let the kids play outside for a lil bit....

Adam's weather....

What a contrast!!!

Rocky's unsure of the snow... :)

It's been awhile since my last post, and it seems to get easier to upload pix lately on here so I may do that more often. Today was our first "snow" day. I even got the calls at 5:30 AM, just like last time! altho I do like snow days....despite the chaos of excitement of being home...I stay in jammies all day...drink hot coffee...and do NOTHING! Liam is a lil' under the weather and I'm a lil' achy, so this was perfect. We even had chicken noodle soup to boot!

Rocky will have lived here one year on December 10th. I'd say it's our anniversary....but that just seems weird when you are talking about a dog. So we say birthday. he'll be four this year...because a year ago when he was first here the vet told me he was about three. What a year it's been! Things chewed up...some meaningful, some silly....carpet torn and separation anxieties...tears shed and the added comfort of something else to snuggle along with the three kids. It's been good.

So whats new? well, Adam is still playing in the sandbox. I even sent him some sand toys! Christmas is approaching and Troy is in basketball....doing pretty good! Especially since this is a new sport for him. He really enjoys it tho...and yes, I'm becoming one of those moms who yell at the games. Not like some other moms....but I think that is mainly cuz I'm still shy. lol.

So on my snowday today, Melissa and Sophia came over. Danielle, Sophia, and Troy played (they always do much better when Troy is home!) and Melissa and I did home projects. We moved some stuff to the basement (well, Melissa did)...put a plastic barrier up to block off extra draft from where my half bath is...and would you believe that it is bulging out from where the air is trying to push itself out? No wonder my house was so cold!

So what's hubby doing when he's not playing in the sandbox? Well, I can only say so much. ;) He's Chaplain's Assistant, so he sets up church....helps with worship (he runs sound), and even plays his bass sometimes! We talk about every morning on the phone. It's really nice to wake up that way. When I wake, it's almost quitting time for him! How weird! I miss him but I'm doing ok. He's doing ok. We are trusting God and counting months. (they are shorter than days).

Well, that's my quick update. It's bedtime here and I need to get my boys in bed (Danielle was out a while ago!) Thanks for reading!!

What It's Like

2010-11-22T22:28:00.000-05:00

I figure you all may be wondering what it's like...well, this is my typical day. Or at least today.

I woke up to Liam in my bed, again, at 4 am, wanting to watch cartoons. I didn't have the energy to drag him in his bed. So I slept while he watched "Gullah Gullah Island". Yes, they still play that show. It's on at 4 am just before or after Oobi. Yep. That one still shows too!

He falls asleep and I turn the tv off...and crash. A couple hours later my alarm tells me it's time to wake up Troy so he can get ready for school. Now that I have a "tweener" he has to shower every morning and do his hair....so I've been making him wake up earlier.

I take the kids to school and rush home to get ready for my skype date. I grab a cup of coffee and he's on! We chat and it's cool. Sure his voice sounds a little robotic at times, and breaks up, but it's his voice! He looks pixely too. But it's not horrible, especially if you stay very still. We talk for a while, for him, it's 6 PM, the workday has ended. For me, it's 10 AM, and it's just begun. I go about my day, he wraps his up. He calls me at 1 to tell me goodnight....Now it's almost 10:30 my time (pm), and it's morning for him. The sun rises there when it sets here. I don't know if I'll ever grasp that.

I have some memory verses for my kids on the whiteboard in the hall. Liam's verse is "God is with you wherever you go" (Joshua). That encourages me. God is with me as I'm doing my day to day. God is with him as he is over there. Neither of us are alone, because God is with us. The older two kids' verse summed up is "There are different gifts, but the same Spirit". Meaning that even tho his job over there is a "Professional Christian", that doesn't make my job as a full time mommy over here any less spiritual. The same Spirit that is changing lives and encouraging soldiers over there is comforting my babies over here.

So that is basically what it's like. I need to make the coffee now, get it ready for the morning. I'm rocking Liam and hoping he'll go back to his bed soon so I can go to mine. I wonder how my husband's day will be. I wonder if Rocky will ever stop chewing things he isn't supposed to. (which, I'm figuring out, is a separation anxiety issue he's having since the main alpha male is gone...). I wonder how long it will be until the spring...and until the fall.

Things that make you go HMMMMM.....

2010-11-19T15:02:00.000-05:00

1. I've officially been a mom for almost ten years now. Longer, actually, if you count my first pregnancy that I lost in a still birth. I'm going to have a child in double digits in January. AHHH!

2. Does anyone honestly know why dogs chew up things? Rocky is chewing up EVERYTHING, and it is getting really bad. I thought he needed more attention, so I gave him more, but he is doing it more! is it because the "man" of the house is away? I don't know, but if you know, please let ME know!

3. I've found myself listening to old music that I listened to in highschool, (Led Zepplin, The Stairway to Heaven, if you must know!! I was BIG into that kinda music...the Doors, Grateful Dead...crazy huh?) But it came on the radio and I was instantly transported to a time where I was a lil rebellious but it seemed like I had a lot of fun. And I realized how old I really am, but moreso, how far I've come. And how the fun in my life is different now, but alot more fun. I always thought growing older would be boring, that my best years would be behind me. How could caring for little kids and bills and housework be fun? But it can be, if you allow it to be.

4. Especially as a military wife, and not being able to talk much to my love of my life, I have to daily entrust him to Jesus's care. I'm a control freak, and I want to control everything....but I can't. I need to daily die to that and let Him take care of my honey....He does a better job anyways!

I guess that is it. These are the things that I ponder as I wait for my phone to ring...wait for that call saying that Adam is doing well. Altho I have heard from several others that the guys are doing well, and none of our guys are sick (they ran into a bunch who had a stomach bug), so that is a blessing. Now it's just getting used to a new normal, and remaining strong for the kids.

Two Months In....

2010-11-15T18:23:00.003-05:00

I'm kinda blogging this so I can see my own progress, and so on the bad days I can read this and remind myself I'm strong. So I'm two months in....this is what I've learned:

1. I can totally take care of two dead hamsters...cleaning, disposal, and emotions from the kids.
2. I can NOT buy my kids a toy every time I go out. Even if it is only a dollar. It's not the financial as much as what I'm teaching them...1. that money can buy happiness, and 2. to be spoiled.
3. I've been more consistant and more assertive as a parent....woohoo!
4. It is totally ok to break down and cry....it actually feels good sometimes. And I'm blessed with some safe friends who I know I can cry to and they know just how to handle me!
5. It is totally ok to eat peanut butter and toast and coffee for dinner, and cereal for dinner is fun for the kids sometimes.
6. I've found great car guys, who know how to take care of my car, and their numbers are now stored in my phone. I've spent about $500 in maitenance on this car this month, if you believe that!
7. I see the need to have dates with each of my kids individually, and i plan to do that.
8. Totally buy the cleaning products that make your life easier. I bought this scrubber thing that extends and scrubs your tub and shower, and I LOVE it! I never would buy this stuff before, claiming it as a waste of money, but the less time I'm in the bathroom cleaning the more time I'm actually living my life. (And I soooo hate bathroom cleaning duty!!)
9. Whenever Adam calls, life has to stop for me. I don't know when he may call. This means kids have to be quiet and non interruptive. I need to be focused on him and the conversation and not on the tv, computer, or whatever.
10. On my worst days, I need to stop what I'm doing, put iTunes on, and jam with the kids. It's such a stress reliever...and I always end my day so much better when I do that.

I think that is it. I'm two months in and we are ok. We are better than ok. I wouldn't say we are fantastic, but we are strong. Even when we don't feel like it.

Thanks for reading, and for all you do. You girls know who you are!!

Happy Veteran's Day!

2010-11-11T07:39:00.002-05:00

My husband came home recently on a short pass and it was so nice to see him! We spent the first day in Virginia and walked thru some caves...it was really neat and memorable. The rest of the time we spent at home, with the kids, keeping life low key but enjoying the everyday. It was a truly special time.

Now he's off again, but I'm reminded of his trip. We lived life to the full,, even when we did nothing at all. Even when we stayed in and sat up talking all night because my belly was upset, we lived life to the full. We talked and laughed and made the most of what we had. I think that is what is most important. It's not "things"....it's not "having money so you can do all the fun, cool stuff", it's enjoying the every day. I used to feel bad for myself because we've never been a family who took big vacations...we always take small weekend trips and our last family vacation was at Stonewall Restort with military discount. But the kids love that trip, and the reality is is that it is not because we spent a lot of money or did alot of things (because we didn't), but because the time we spent there was good, quality time, and we made the most of it.

So today is Veteran's Day, the kids are home, and I anticipate fights over toys, bickering, and disputes over lunch. And I need to look beyond that and have fun with them today. On a totally different note, but kinda similar, last night I went to sleep depressed. I thought about all my friends who are doing awesome things....who help run ministries, or who help disabled children, or who volunteer regularly, and I thought of my life. I felt like a blob who doesn't do anything. I wondered what my purpose even was...but this morning I woke and felt a little differently. Right now my place is here, and that is ok. I need to find the joy and the passion in the everyday, and trust that if there is another venue that I'm to take, when the time is right, God will lead me there.

What Seems Hardest is Actually Easiest

2010-10-31T21:09:00.003-04:00

I had dinner at my friends house this evening with my children. It turned out to be a spazzy event, to say the least. Danielle did not want to eat her carrots, Troy did not want to pick up his toys he was playing with, and Liam, well, he threw a fit once. I'm sure to Mark and Andi I seemed fine, but in my mind I was really stressing out. Earlier this morning my friend Stacey reminded me that I needed to do first time discipline. Now I KNOW this and I've been told by numerous people that I NEED to do this....but in that moment when the stress seemed high and I didn't know what to do, I was reminded of her conversation this morning. And I thought, "What could it hurt? If it backfires I'll just do what I always do!"

I told Troy that if he didn't pick up the toys he would lose his priviledge for tonite of staying up late with me and watching Monk. (Something he really enjoys to do with me). I told Danielle that if she didn't eat her carrots, there would be no snack later. (She did eat the carrots). Troy didn't "hear" me at first. Oh I"m sure he heard me, he just didn't acknowledge. Instead of my typical warning....I said, "Ok, you go to bed when the younger two do." Guess what? All of a sudden he heard me!!! "No Mommy, No no!!! Look I"m putting them away now!!" "Sorry....too late. Let's try again tomorrow night."

Then I stepped out of the room and I heard Danielle use a word that we don't say in our house. I came out and asked if she had said a bad word and she said no, (altho Mark confirmed that what I heard was right). Taking a breath, I asked her to come here. She did, walked in the bathroom, and I did the "old school" soap thing. Oh she was not happy. She cried all the way home! At first she said she didn't love me and wanted to go to Daddy's house. But then, we got in and the atmosphere of the house changed. After baths, we read a bible story about the ten commandments and really talked about rules and why we have them. We prayed for God to help us obey the rules, especially the hard ones. Danielle went to bed and told me how much she loved me. Troy helped me out ALL night, getting Liam ready for bed and doing little things for me that needed done.

Once bedtime came, all the kids went down well. Troy DID try to stay up later, first by negotiating that his "help" tonite was worth it....then by coming out of bed once to talk about Adam...to which I told him, "Nope....we will talk about this tomorrow....goodnight Troy", because I knew that he was only trying to stay up later.

( I would of disciplined Liam for his temper tantrum, but it was after the fact that I made the decision to really do the first time discipline).

What amazes me is that this was so easy.....why was I so afraid to do this? It is alot easier to deal with the discipline first time, than to warn and warn and get more annoyed and aggravated, and scream and yell, and get migranes and headaches, and neckaches, and have to get away from my kids because I just need my "me" time.

And the truth is...I am so less stressed tonite. Really! And in the moment too, I was not stressed! I took a deep breath, and took care of business. I was able to talk calmly and rationally and in a regular tone. It felt great not losing control!!

It seemed so hard. I rationalized that I wanted my kids to like me. I know that is why I didn't want to discipline them. Truth is, I could tell a difference tonite in how they responded to me. They like having the boundaries. They like knowing that Mom will do what she says. They like that because it makes them feel secure. They can trust me.

I'm praying that I remember this blog on the hard days. The days where they just want to press every button to see if they will get their way. And it's not that their way is always bad....but they know the rules, and they totally broke two of them. (well, three, if you count Liam's).

Pay it Forward

2010-10-28T12:44:00.002-04:00

I went to the dollar store today to pick up a few essentials, or at least essentials in my toddler's eyes....raisins, graham crackers, playdoh.... and then I think the most embarrasing thing happened to me (which happens to everyone, but NEVER to me!)....I left my debit card at home! Ugh! And my checkbook! And I had $5 in my wallet. My bill came to $25 (I got more than just the three things), and so I donated my $5....and then I remembered, "I have my husband's debit card!!" so I grabbed that and tried to pay. Denied. Ugh....he must be low on cash where he is at. Oookay...."Can we void it?" By now the line has grown and another cashier steps in. Neither cashier knows how to void it. "What if we take some items off?" I ask. "Too late to do that now!" Really??

Then I remember that I can transfer money from my account to my hubby's account, and can use his card again....so I frantically grab my phone and begin the transfer. I'm nervous, so of course I'm hitting all the wrong keys. I had to call twice to get it right...but as I'm transferring...a lady comes up and writes a $20 check for my stuff. The only word I could describe on how I felt was humbled. What a blessing that God put in my life.

Later I think, "I should of gotten her number, or her address and I could of paid her back!" But at the time, all I could think of is "Wow...$20 is alot of money to me, and a perfect stranger is just giving it away." I was too shocked to do anything but watch and thank her profusely. Although, I know that if I wasn't in such shock I could of gotten her info... I'm trying to lay that guilt down, and remember to next time, pay it forward instead.

The whole story kinda reminds me of God's grace. If the punishment for sin is death, we all stand at the checkout line emptyhanded. But Jesus is there, writing out checks on our behalf.

One Month In....and I'm still Here!!!

2010-10-23T18:48:00.006-04:00

I am an Army Wife. I never considered myself as such, as the National Guard was Adam's part time job. But lately it's become more of a reality for me. And so this is probably moreso of what my blogs will be about...the challenges of raising two school-age children and one preschool child and a dog on my own. Kinda.

First I must confess, I stopped my blog for a time....I was just going thru so much at the time and it seemed to be an issue for me. But I've felt led to blog again, and so, HERE I AM! ;)

They say the first two weeks once a deployment starts are the hardest, and I have some AWESOME friends who really took care of me. God has really blessed me with a second family here in WV. Week 3 was hard, because I truly felt alone. Not that I was alone, but I felt alone. I'm learning that truth isn't always what I'm feeling. (But that is another blog!) Liam had a hard time adjusting to the change, and we had several sleepless nights. I, trying to feel more connected, spent more time on FB, more time "running", and then felt the inevitable burn-out.

Week 4 things turned around. I don't know why. Maybe because I realized I had fixed my toilet seat on my own. Maybe because I also hung curtains in Danielle's room. I've rearranged and organized my home. I even dealt with a dead hamster (RIP: Pinky). All that and I'm still ticking. I'm not just surviving. I'm doing ok.

I've learned some lessons this month.

1. God gave me friends and family for a reason. Not so I can "do it all" on my own. ;)

2. Early to bed, Early to Rise, really makes better sense than, "Early to Rise, Late to Bed!"

3. Routines are my friend.

But the most important lesson I've learned this month is this: Sailing on this sea of indecisiveness is going to kill me.

I HATE making decisions. You who know me well know this. Ask me what I want for lunch. Just see what I say. I HATE decisions. This month I've had to make decisions. And altho I have great friends that will keep me accountable...ultimately, it's a battle within myself to keep myself accountable. I have to make the decision to get off the computer and engage in my kids. I have to make the decision on first time follow through with discipline. I have to make the decision on even HOW to discipline. And I have to stand firm on those decisions. Because in the end, when someone questions my decision, I have to be able to stand up for myself.

Sailing on the sea of indecisiveness is NOT where I want to be. Altho it is my comfort zone. As much as I HATE making decisions, the truth is I really WANT to. I WANT to be the kinda girl who can make a decision and stand firm in it. But yet, I sail on. Now WHY would I want to stay on this sea if it's not where I want to be?

I want to live in the freedom that Jesus came to give me. I know that I can only do that by giving Him my fears and issues with making decisions. My fears of making the wrong decisions. The consequences of such.

I REALLY miss my husband, but one decision I'm making (as I'm stepping OUT of the boat!), is to grow spiritually this year. To be encouraged that God is using us both in this time, and filling us both as well, so when we do come back together, we will be stronger and more effective. I've decided (after that decision), that I can only do that by engaging in my children, engaging in good relationships, getting off my couch and turning off the TV and exercising...putting the JAR OF NUTELLA down (blasphemy, I know!!) and grabbing an apple! (For the record, my Military One Source Life Coach told me that it is totally fine for me to have two graham crackers/day with Nutella spread on them, as long as I stick to the serving size on the jar...and YES, I will implement that in my daily diet!!!)

Anyways, thanks for reading!